Preternatural Postbag
Dr
E.mann’s
Dear Dr E. Mann, Love the page. I need some love advice. Tere’s a girl in my office who I really like. She’s pretty, funny, and smells really nice. She always smiles when she sees me, and I think that she really likes me. Te only thing is that she is way out of my league and I know it. I know faint heart ne’er won fair maiden, but seriously. If I ask her out and she says no it’ll be awkward as fuck. Can you see into the future and tell me if it’s worth it? ShyGuy69, Norwich
Dear ShyGuy, Indeed, matters of the heart are always complicated. Take heart in this, though: As I was pondering your quandary over breakfast, I noticed that my dippy egg was done to perfection. Furthermore, the toasty soldiers all looked a bit like erect phalluses with butter dripping off the end; a sure sign that love is in the air. Gird your loins and have a pop at it, ShyGuy. Rejection may be awkward, but a lifetime of regret is like porridge for breakfast: unnecessary and fucking horrible.
Dear Dr E Mann, I need your help. I’ve lost a bag of “sweeties” that I haven’t quite paid for yet, and let’s just say that the “shop” that I bought them from is going to be really pissed off if I can’t pay them. Tey might have fallen out of my pocket
somewhere, or they might be down the back of the sofa but I’ve looked everywhere! Can you help? Mandypandy69, Great Yarmouth
Dear Mandy, In such specific matters as these, the more, shall we say, “inconclusive” methodology employed by psychic practitioners such as myself can yield unhelpful results. However, I’ve been rubbing a goldfish over a map of your fair hometown for a couple of hours now, and its eyeballs popped out over Trinity Square. Tis, then, is where you should begin your search. Take a forked branch from a young yew tree, hold it like a bicycle’s handlebars, and see where the force takes you. You’ll have your bag of “sweeties” back in no time. Hopefully, before some “children” find them, “eat” them, and “die”.
Dear Dr. E Mann I’m a single mother of three teenagers, and we are about to go on a trip abroad to visit the country of my birth. I’m just a bit concerned about them when we arrive. I’ve got some business to take care of with some old acquaintances of the family and I don’t want the kids to be bored. Te youngest two used to be quite content just staying in their room, but the eldest is a bit of a tearaway and the other two are just
Astrology, tea leaves, tarot… I am the professor of prediction,
the doctor of destiny. If you require guidance into a difficult situation, or simply want to know what the future holds, then look no further. Want proof? Tink of an animal. A grey animal. A grey animal over 1 ton in weight. You’re thinking of a hippo, right? No, of course you weren’t – and that’s how they get you. Abracasplash!
as bad when he eggs them on. Can you just look into the future and tell me if there’s any particular incidents that I need to avoid? DaenerysStormbornofthe HouseTargaryenFirstofHer NametheUnburntQueenoftAn dalsandtheFirstMenKhale esioftheGreatGrass SeaBreakerofChainsand MotherofDragons@yahoo. com
Dear Danni, I’ve consulted the old gods (and the new) and they are telling me that you have too much on your plate. It doesn’t take a psychic to know that you can’t rule the world and bring up your kids without some help. However, as a psychic, I can tell you that there is a surprise visitor in your future, perhaps some family that you may not even be aware exists. If I were you, I’d open yourself up to the idea that you may not be as alone as you thought.
Dear Dr E Mann, I’m a strong, independent female who runs the family business. I don’t have a lot else to get stuck into, as I’m a widow with no kids left, and I’ve just got wind that this younger woman will soon be visiting with an eye to a hostile takeover. Who does she think she is? Her father may well have run the place before my family did, but he made such a shithouse of it
that he was fired. Please tell me what to expect, doctor. I am rather close to my brother, but other than that I don’t really have anyone I can trust. CerseiWhatYouCouldHave Won, via raven
Dear Cersei, It surprises me that you have reached out, as you do not sound like someone who holds much stock in the supernatural. However, I am happy to lend my expertise, so let me gaze into my crystal ball… I see… I see you and your brother. I see that you are close… I see you getting closer… I see… Oh, Jesus Christ! What are you doing? Tat’s your brother, woman! I think it’s best that we leave it there, frankly, but basically whatever happens you have brought unto yourself, love.
Running out of space, so just enough room to tell James of Sprowston – turn it round, it’s not a telescope; Geoff of Brundall – tell them the dog belongs to your boss, they’ll be so impressed that they won’t even charge you for the extra cheese; Harriet from NR1 – if it starts to vibrate, then it’s OK but if it points north it’s broken; and Jessica of Mile Cross – congratulations, now you just have to come up with a hobby for the next seven years.
-Mail DrEMann@outlineo
nline.co.uk for psychic advice- 8 / AUG/SEPT 2017 /
OUTLINEONLINE.CO.UK
Page 1 |
Page 2 |
Page 3 |
Page 4 |
Page 5 |
Page 6 |
Page 7 |
Page 8 |
Page 9 |
Page 10 |
Page 11 |
Page 12 |
Page 13 |
Page 14 |
Page 15 |
Page 16 |
Page 17 |
Page 18 |
Page 19 |
Page 20 |
Page 21 |
Page 22 |
Page 23 |
Page 24 |
Page 25 |
Page 26 |
Page 27 |
Page 28 |
Page 29 |
Page 30 |
Page 31 |
Page 32 |
Page 33 |
Page 34 |
Page 35 |
Page 36 |
Page 37 |
Page 38 |
Page 39 |
Page 40 |
Page 41 |
Page 42 |
Page 43 |
Page 44 |
Page 45 |
Page 46 |
Page 47 |
Page 48 |
Page 49 |
Page 50 |
Page 51 |
Page 52 |
Page 53 |
Page 54 |
Page 55 |
Page 56 |
Page 57 |
Page 58 |
Page 59 |
Page 60 |
Page 61 |
Page 62 |
Page 63 |
Page 64
