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Regarding Relationship By Marina Maurino, MA


The Feelings of Transition Wemight need and even welcome a transition but it is just


a nice word for change and most of us are not easy with change. When we transition we are going from one person, place or situation to another. However, we don’t always know where we’re headed, what the “new” will be, how it will show up, whether we will like it and whether it will be better or worse than what we left. This place of not knowing is called the “void”. The “void” is a painful place to be for us humans who like


to have control in our lives in order to feel safe. There is no safety in the void but being in it makes us grow. If we use the time consciously, it strengths our tolerance, reinforces our faith and trust, engages our self-compassion and grants us the grace to realize that life is what stirs inside of us rather than the circumstances that agitate outside of us. Many people are experiencing transition at this time. As


more and more light floods the planet people are getting more disgruntled with whatever status quo they might have tolerat- ed before, couples are reconsidering even long term relation- ships and an ever increasing consciousness has us looking at habits, attitudes and situations that we are ready to release. There is a lot of anxiety around transitions.Anxiety is fear


of the future, of what hasn’t happened yet but may happen. And, we all know that anxiety is a very difficult feeling to experience. The more we contract against anxiety the more it gets stuck in the body. To shift that, we need to get fully pre- sent, to take long slow exhales and to sit and allow, yes allow, the anxiety to pass through us imagining it leaving through our pores as it passes through. There is another feeling, however, that I think is as impor-


tant to deal with in transitions as anxiety and that feeling is grief. Transition means we are leaving something for another. Whatever we are leaving, whether it is a job, a spouse, a house or a city the key word is “leaving”. Something is being left behind and whether we liked it or not, loved it or not, it was a part of us. It was a person, place or situation that we partici- pated in, integrated into our daily lives, made a part of us. In order for the transition to be complete we have to grieve what we are leaving. Grief is extreme sadness but what distinguish- es it from sadness is that it is about loss. We need to mourn what we are losing even if we are happy to lose it because it was a part of us and to feel complete we have to give it its due.


Transitions in relationships are probably themost difficult


transitions we will ever have to face barring the death of a loved one.Whetherwe have spent 3 or 30 yearswith someone, we have shared our love, our life, our heart and soul and our body. We have shared dreams and hopes, family and maybe children, events and even solitude.We have been competitive, controlling, jealous, loving, generous, compassionate and all that goes in between.And when an event or cumulative events require us to move on it is often done in anger. Anger allows us to cover up the pain, the grief of the loss of it all. It is easi- er to feel anger than to feel the pain of all we are losing. If the anger makes us feel strong and in control why


would we let it go? The answer is that we need to let it go because it is covering up a pain that must get light and air. If it doesn’t, that pain will fester. It will stay in our energy field and in our body and find its way into our conversations, our other relationships, our moods and even our health. How do we let go? It is not about forgiving. It is about surrendering and I think that is one of the hardest things for us humans to do. To surrender means to accept the “what is”, to acknowledge that I have no real control in life and to live in the present allowing every moment to unfold in its own way. This doesn’t mean we give up. It doesn’tmeanwe are having fun! It doesn’tmeanwe like it. It just means that we are consciously staying aware in every moment. By staying present in the moment and being conscious of our thoughts, words and actions we are taking charge of our lives. To surrender is to allow the next moment to be what it needs to be without interfering with our control. If you are in a transition consider it a gift. Transitions give


us a grand opportunity to get to know ourselves better. By dealing with the anxiety transition brings, by allowing the grief and by surrendering to the moment we are growing in self-knowledge, self-confidence and self-love. Awareness adds the dimension of adventure to the transition and that can easily carry you through to the other side of the void!


MarinaMaurino,MA, is a teacher/therapist who integrates


psychology, spiritual principles and an energy based perspec- tive in her work with clients. She welcomes anyone ready to work on personal or relationship issues. She can be reached at 201-967-9377 or visited at www.reflectingtruth.com.


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