This page contains a Flash digital edition of a book.
It’s An Adjustment…

was sitting in my surgeons’ office, daydreaming about what would happen if I had to part with one of my balls. A few weeks prior, I was told that I could lose one of my testicles due to complications from having three hernias. As a nurse called my name, I strode toward the

door with my head held high and my balls hanging low. I tried to savor the moment, since it might be the last moment before I found out if I would end up as the gay Lance Armstrong. After 10 minutes, my doctor said, “Yeah, I could see where they were

coming from, but you won’t be losing a testicle—you do have three hernias through. Oh and um, you can pull up your pants now.” I sat with the doctor and we went over the procedure. When he told me

that it was going to take four or five days to recover, I was slightly alarmed. Close to a week immobile? This was not going to be fun, and I was not impressed. “Is there anyone you can stay with while you recover?” The doctor asked.

I told him yes, there was, and his apartment was a few blocks away from the hospital. It was my ex-boyfriend, someone I dated when I first moved from Los Angeles to New York a few months prior. As I left the office with my surgery scheduled in two weeks, I thought more about my budding friendship with my ex-boyfriend more so than my impending operation. I met James a few weeks after moving to New York City. On our first date,

I called him after emerging from the subway in the Financial District and after a minute of talking, I realized I was lost and on the complete other side of Manhattan. I was flustered and embarrassed, but he took it upon himself to jump in a cab and meet me in lower Manhattan. I didn’t realize

by jeffrey hartinger

how sweet he was until a few months later, when on a first date with some one else, the same thing happened and the guy replied, “what do you mean, you’re lost?” in a rude tone. Needless to say, I ordered a few drinks at dinner. I suppose when one is navigating friendships with former flings, one

must take things as they come. Some relationships are so emotional and intense, that maybe it’s not a good idea to be friends after all is said and done. But sometimes, reconnecting is a good thing. James helped me become situated in New York City, helping me to adjust after a confusing time stemming from my graduation, a move from Los Angeles and travel- ing the country for a few months on a book tour. James says I helped him become more confident and to be more as-

sured of who he is as a person. I am not one who thinks along the lines that everything happens for a reason or that people are meant to be in your life, but for intuitive individuals, one must know that everyone can teach you something. As a couple, we made “alright” boyfriends. As friends, we are an amazing combination. In the LGBT community, there is often a yearning to think, “He’s gay,

attractive, smart and outgoing? Let me snag him as my boyfriend,” but when all is said and done, gay men—and women—should understand that those qualities are important for friends, in addition to lovers. Form friendships, see where they go and if things don’t turn out the way you planned, make a few adjustments, because that, after all, is life. Jeffrey Hartinger is a freelance writer and further interpolation can be found on his website:

“Some relationships are so emotional and intense that maybe it’s not a good idea

to be friends after all is said and done. But sometimes, it is a good thing. “


RAGE monthly | AUGUST 2012

RAGE monthly | AUGUST 2012

Page 1  |  Page 2  |  Page 3  |  Page 4  |  Page 5  |  Page 6  |  Page 7  |  Page 8  |  Page 9  |  Page 10  |  Page 11  |  Page 12  |  Page 13  |  Page 14  |  Page 15  |  Page 16  |  Page 17  |  Page 18  |  Page 19  |  Page 20  |  Page 21  |  Page 22  |  Page 23  |  Page 24  |  Page 25  |  Page 26  |  Page 27  |  Page 28  |  Page 29  |  Page 30  |  Page 31  |  Page 32  |  Page 33  |  Page 34  |  Page 35  |  Page 36  |  Page 37  |  Page 38  |  Page 39  |  Page 40  |  Page 41  |  Page 42  |  Page 43  |  Page 44  |  Page 45  |  Page 46  |  Page 47  |  Page 48  |  Page 49  |  Page 50  |  Page 51  |  Page 52  |  Page 53  |  Page 54  |  Page 55  |  Page 56  |  Page 57  |  Page 58  |  Page 59  |  Page 60  |  Page 61  |  Page 62  |  Page 63  |  Page 64  |  Page 65  |  Page 66  |  Page 67  |  Page 68  |  Page 69  |  Page 70  |  Page 71  |  Page 72  |  Page 73  |  Page 74  |  Page 75  |  Page 76