THE WEIRS TIMES & THE COCHECO TIMES, Thursday, March 29, 2012 A
brendan@weirs.com
inNEW HAMP SHI R E STAYING ALIVE
FOOL * Live Free *A FLATLANDER’S OBSERVATIONS ON LIFE or Die.
by Brendan Smith Weirs Times Editor
The mild winter has been
a welcome relief for some and the harbinger of doom for others. To those who think
that snowy, cold, deso- late winters are still on the horizon, this one has been a breather and a nice chance to regroup. To those who believe that it point towards the eventual end of mankind due to climate change, well, they just aren’t enjoying it like they should. Lighten up! I’m not here this week
to debate the reasons for this mild winter; I have my own ideas and thoughts on the issue and, no mat- ter how much I argue with those on the other side of the debate, no one is going to change their mind. So why bother? I have one concern and one concern only. FATSO has had a bad
year. FATSO, for those of you
uninitiated stands for Flatlanders Adjusting To Solitary Oblivion. It’s a support group started by a friend and myself about sixteen years ago to help new transplants to New Hampshire adjust to their first winters here. It’s a seasonal business.
And like any seasonal business, it relies on the weather to make it or break it in any particular year. Needless to say, this
winter hasn’t been kind to FATSO. We depend on dues from
members and our mem- bership is very fluid. Once people learn from us, they dump us. They’ve learned all they can to make it through the winter and they leave the group. It is the new members that keep us in the gravy. So, when winters are mild, the
Complete Landscaping & Masonry
www.landscapesbytom.com TOM BRYANT WELCOME TO LILISE BRIDAL
LILISE DESIGNER RESALE HAS ADDED A NEW UPSCALE BRIDAL DEPARTMENT The
FIND THE PERFECT GOWN AT THE RIGHT PRICE
Fairytale Begins...
Gowns that originally retailed for more than $2500. All dresses less than 5 years old.
Across the street from Marshalls (Between Claudia’s and Cheers)
Lilisedr.com HOURS:
lilisebridal@gmail.com 074477
Second Hand Rose (603) 744-6935
Now Accepting Womens & Children Spring & Summer Clothing! Men’s Department Discontinued
All Men’s Clothing on Sale
need for support groups like ours, is about as wel- come as another GOP debate. Once ice out was de-
clared on March 23, we were toast. (They claim it is the earliest ice out ever but, if it wasn’t a leap year it would have happened on March 24, making it tied for the earliest...just a thought.) In past mild winters,
we’ve thought about clos- ing shop. In fact, last winter, when we didn’t have any snow till the day after Christmas, it was touch and go. But soon the snow arrived and it seemed like it never stopped. Our phones be- gan to ring off the hook and, within a week, we were flush again. There are a lot of ex- penses for FATSO, my sal- ary being one, so we never have a big nest egg. We are
facing a financial hardship this year and will find it hard to continue opera- tions next winter. Still, I’m not a quitter;
never have been. So, I am doing everything I can to find ways to keep FATSO alive. It still serves a much needed purpose, is ben- eficial to those in times of need and helps me pay my mortgage as well. I have been to some banks for help but they are reluctant to loan money to a business that is unpre- dictable like FATSO. So, I turned to the one
place that is willing to give money to anyone for anything, no matter how unreliable it might be; The Federal Government. I have written a letter to
President Obama asking for help. I often read in the paper and see on the news how he is willing to dole out gobs of taxpayer
Over 35 years of Beautification
dollars to help small busi- nesses with no real proven track record; FASTO fits that bill nicely. Surprisingly, I did get a
nice letter back a couple of days ago explaining to me that they wouldn’t be able to help me seeing that FASTO really wasn’t fea- sible since climate change was going to make it a non-entity anyway. The letter went on to ex-
plain that they would keep my request on file and hopefully, after their huge investment in pond scum, better known as algae, as an alternative source of energy was successful that the earth would soon enough return to its more familiar cycle of winters and then the need for FATSO would once again be relevant. They estimated that it
5
would be no more than seventy-five to a hundred years till all vehicles were powered by pond scum, so I was to hang in there. I don’t care much what
the skeptics say, I’m still a believer in FATSO and I know that I will be called on once again by desperate transplants who suddenly find themselves trapped in a winter they thought they would never see again. I’m guessing next year. In the meantime. I need
to find myself a part-time job to supplement my missing FATSO income. Maybe I could be a pond scum salesman.
Brendan Smith welcomes
your comments at bren-
dan@weirs.com.
Page 1 |
Page 2 |
Page 3 |
Page 4 |
Page 5 |
Page 6 |
Page 7 |
Page 8 |
Page 9 |
Page 10 |
Page 11 |
Page 12 |
Page 13 |
Page 14 |
Page 15 |
Page 16 |
Page 17 |
Page 18 |
Page 19 |
Page 20 |
Page 21 |
Page 22 |
Page 23 |
Page 24 |
Page 25 |
Page 26 |
Page 27 |
Page 28 |
Page 29 |
Page 30 |
Page 31 |
Page 32 |
Page 33 |
Page 34 |
Page 35 |
Page 36 |
Page 37 |
Page 38 |
Page 39 |
Page 40