THE WEIRS TIMES & THE COCHECO TIMES, Thursday, March 29, 2012
29
There are different kinds
of organizers. How you sort useful things can depend on how you think things through and use some special skills that might not be well known. Let’s look at the photo-
by Dr. Debi Warner Contributing Writer
Dear Dr. Debi, My partner has all sorts
of tool stashes and gets mad when I touch these piles. It makes me mad that I can’t find tools when I have time for a project. I spend half a day locat- ing things that should be on the shelves instead of hunting down where they were last used. It really spoils the fun for me. What can we do? Signed,
Roaring Mad
Dear Tool Tension, Being prepared for your
projects, knowing where tools and materials are, is pretty important for a good day of work for both of you. And so is having a peace- ful mood. Let’s see what is going on here and what we might do about it.
graphic memory. There are plenty of people who can remember what they see, like a picture in their mind. You might have this skill if you can conjure back a memory and notice more features or check your memory against the image in your mind. If you have it, then it is not uncommon to rely on this skill when organizing. In fact, for some people,
the picture in their mind can be so strong that they use it like a map for filing items. And if they use it for tools, likely they also do this for papers, books, and even clothes. Sorting is almost irrelevant for the person who has the tool picture bonded to the project in their mind. But if you are the other partner who is missing that map – it is tool mayhem. The usual solution to or- ganizing is sorting. Ham- mers together, screws on the shelf, power tools in the cupboard. We teach sorting to the young as the right answer to dealing
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with chaos. Then we tend to develop an attitude that anything other than that is quite wrong. This can be a difficult label for those who use the photographic method. And when you are dealing with the spe- cial skills of building, you may need to expect the unusual rather than the ordinary. So in your house it looks
like there are two worlds: the private map of tools and the sorting view of categories. These worlds do not naturally resolve. It takes some effort by both of you to reach around those worlds. First off, you need to
drop the notion that your way is the right way and the scolding attitude you may hold concerning your partner’s system. It is what it is, and deserves some respect. Yet that does not mean everything must stay this way. Some mid- dle ground is possible. A gentle acceptance can help you two talk about it. The photographic-orga-
nizer might not realize that they are the only one with the map and that they have put you at a disad- vantage. A little discussion
about that can help loosen the strangle grip on the situation’s options. Shar- ing will mean that both of you find access to the tools and not make the other waste the prime of the day hunting for a start to the work. So what are some options? Actually, communication
can be a help. Just know- ing where the stuff is can reduce the confusion. If a pile is left somewhere, the two of you can peek at it while admiring the work- site and day’s accomplish- ments. You can name out loud the pieces that are in there. The circular saw, the level, the drill, and boxes of screws. It may take some grit to tolerate this talk and especially the question, “So how long will this stuff be over here?” The tolerance you devel-
op with this discussion is good for your relationship and builds steps in your communication to meet each other’s needs that are different from your own. You expand your world to include the two perspec- tives in your conversation and in your minds too. And more, when you
hear an answer such as “one month,” you can then bring it up in a month and helpfully assist the other to dismantle the pile or facilitate the comple- tion of that branch of the project. You are develop- ing accountability in this process, learning the small steps that build that. Inside, you set aside
judgment and the one-way mentality. Together you learn to talk about differ- ences in kindly respect. See DR. DEBI on 30
Dr. Debi Warner is the Founder of Renovation Psychology® and
author of Putting the Home Team to Work, available now online. Dr. Debi provides advice for greater domestic harmony to folks who are renovating their home – for True Home Improvement. This column is offered for enjoyment and enhancement and is not intended to replace your personal medical care. Photo by Bob Jenks, St. Johnsbury, Vt. Dr. Debi has a con- sultation practice, visiting home sites all over New England from her studio in Littleton, NH at the Tannery Marketplace. © 2009 Renovation Psychology® Questions are welcome.
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