single parent Being deprived of a loved one and all that
a relationship entailed can cause a sense of isolation. Feeling isolated can be particularly difficult for introverted personality types, so, if you are a widow or widower, who is feeling increasingly isolated and lonely, it is vital to seek support on a social level. Immersing yourself in your children is perfectly understandable for a while, but you must remember that life has to go on and re-immersion into society is healthy for all concerned.
When daddy works away Due to new working practices and extended working days, more and more parents are finding themselves forced to work away from their home and families, and it’s probably fair to say that the stresses and strains of today’s working patterns are adversely affecting families. For many families, even if daddy does
If you do decide to go down this route,
the first thing you need to do is consider how you will deal with the questions your child may ask as he, or she, grows up, so it’s essential that you have it all well worked out in advance whom and how you’re going to tell about your decision. Your child will, naturally, be the most important person, so you need to know how you will respond to the inevitable question – ‘Where did I come from?’
Being widowed Whether you are widowed through illness or by an accident, the process of coping with grief is a long and difficult one for both widow and children. Te loss of a partner means that a woman not only has to cope with her own grief, anger, frustration and even guilt, but also has to parent her children and ensure that life carries on to point where she shapes her children into competent, successful adults.
come home at night, it’s very oſten long aſter the children have been put to bed and, in many households, he’s away again before the kids have even been wakened in the morning! Tis leaves children oſten feeling that their father is a stranger to them, since they can oſten go without seeing him for days at a time. It also leaves mum feeling alone and frustrated at having to cope with everything by herself. Te situation can also leave dad feeling frustrated and depressed at not seeing his children for long periods. If you find yourself in this type of single
motherhood, the following may be of some help:
• it’s very easy to subconsciously deliver the message that life isn’t sweet unless daddy’s around, so try to remain positive and view it as a temporary situation. If you aren’t coping with the situation sit your partner down and tell him how you feel
• when there’s no-one coming home to help with baths and bedtimes, it’s tempting to lash out when you do see your partner but try to turn having the evenings to yourself to your advantage. Seek out other mums, who are in a similar situation, for some company. Or why not study for an extra qualification?
•Talk about your partner every day and encourage your child to talk about their feelings
•Take lots of photos – for him as well as the children
“Te important thing for any child is that it grows up in a secure and stable environment, and it is just as easy – sometimes easier – for a woman – or man - to do this alone”
•To help a small child work out how long it will be until daddy comes home, cross off the days on a calendar
Relationship breakdown How many of today’s parents grew up listening to their own parents say ‘we’re only together for the sake of the kids’? Te pros and cons of remaining in a loveless relationship have been played out on screen for decades but, while it may have been a ‘given’ for our mothers and grandmothers, it’s certainly true to say that an increasing number of women today would prefer to go it alone rather than make the same mistakes that their own mothers made. Te important thing for any child is that
it grows up in a secure and stable environment, and it is just as easy – sometimes easier – for a woman – or man - to do this alone, rather than try to raise a child in an atmosphere, which is tense and uncomfortable for all involved. Indeed, a recent study by the Economic & Social Research Council showed that, while shared parenting could be a happy experience for many children, it was not always their preferred option. In some cases children actually found that, having tried a shared residency arrangement, they actually found that having a main 'base' with one or other parent suited their lifestyles better.
Daddies do it too! Of course, as the figures quoted at the beginning of this feature confirm, it’s not only mothers, who embrace single parenthood for one reason or another. An increasing number of men are choosing to take on the role of mummy and daddy – usually due to relationship breakdown or bereavement. „
For more information visit:
www.rollercoaster.ie /
www.singleparents.ie www.gingerbread.ie /
ww.gingerbreadni.org www.onefamily.ie
MODERNMUM 57
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