turing skills can get rusty, while moms’ get sharper. Opportunity and practice are the biggest predictors of meaningful connections with children. Fathering tip: Don’t assume that


a partner knows more. Whatever a mother knows, she learned by making mistakes, and that’s the best way for fathers to learn, too.


Be open to complementary exper-


tise. A dad with a mate that praises and supports him will be far more confident and engaged with his child than one with a partner that criticizes him. Parenting tip: No one likes to feel incompetent, so when offering dad ad- vice, do it in a nonthreatening way that supports and compliments his improving skills over time. It may mean adjusting personal standards a bit. Dad should take pride in practicing his unique rapport with offspring. Instead of letting mom pluck a crying or smelly baby from his arms, he can try, “Honey, I’ve got this.” End-running the legal system after


divorce. For some 30 years, the default decision in divorce cases has been to award the mother primary physical cus- tody, with limited visitation for the father. More states are now moving toward a presumption of 50-50 physical custody, but it’s not the norm. Therefore, many divorced dads may feel disconnected from their children and suppressed in their parenting role moving forward. Fathering tip: Never give up. Children need their dad in their life and vice-versa. It’s critical to stay in touch. In person is best; phone, email and Skype are decent fallbacks. Make time together feel meaningful as well as normal, instead of falling into a “Disneyland dad” syndrome of trying to make every moment a party. Practice harmoni- ous communications with the ex. The biggest known predictor of children’s future mental and emotional health is how well their parents get along. Sepa- rated parents don’t have to be friends, but they do need to acknowledge both parents’ importance to the children and treat each other respectfully.


Armin Brott is the author of eight best- selling books on fatherhood, including The Expectant Father and The New Father. Learn more at MrDad.com.


F


DEAR DEPLOYED DAD by Armin Brott


or parents serving in the military, some of the biggest barriers to


involvement are inevitable and often repeated deployments. Dads returning home often struggle to reestablish both their family role—which changed while they were away—and their relation- ships with children they haven’t seen for months and who may not even recognize them. Here are practical tips to counter any estrangement. Talk to your children before you


leave and tell them, in age-appro- priate terms, what’s happening and why. Record yourself reading a child’s favorite book and ask mom to play it every night. Their hearing your voice while you’re gone will make it easier for them to get used to having you home again.


To: Email:


During deployment, communi- cate with home as much as possible by phone, Skype and email, taking into account time zone differences and military security. Don’t underestimate the power of snail mail. Little things—a dried leaf from a tree near the barracks, a film canister full of sand—let a child know Dad is thinking of them and pro- vides tangible signs that he’s in a real place somewhere.


Box 421 Emmaus, PA 18049 • P: 610-421-4443 • F: 610-421-4445 LVEditor@NaturalAwakeningsMag.com • www.NaturalAwakeningsMag.com


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Upon returning home, take it easy


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and don’t expect to be able to simply pick up where you were when you left. Everyone in the family has changed, and likely become stronger via the experience. Some things may never return to the pre-deployment normal, but the new normal can be just as good—or better.


Source: The Military Father: A Hands- on Guide for Deployed Dads, by Armin Brott


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