an ongoing commitment to investing time and energy to explore their own creative nature. One may elect to learn to play a musical instrument, while the other might take up gardening. The only requirement is that we take on new activities that have the capacity to surprise us.
What tips do you have for those that are single during
the second half of their life? Enjoy your singularity! Singlehood affords great opportunities. You can choose whether or not you wish to invest time and energy manifesting a mate. No law requires that everyone has to have an intimate relationship, but if you’d like to, go about the pro- cess consciously. First, work on learn- ing to love yourself, because it’s wise not to depend on anyone else to do it for us. Second, figure out what we call your Three Absolute Yesses and Nos, the three most important qualities you want in a mate, and equally important, the three most important things you don’t want in a mate. It’s a good way to avoid mistakes.
Why do you call blame “the crack cocaine of
relationships”? When you blame another person for something, you fire up adrenaline both in yourself and the other person. Adrenaline is manufactured by our bod- ies and is highly addictive. Blame also typically produces a defensive reaction, causing a harmful cycle of two-way criticism and defensiveness that can go on for years. One couple we counseled had been having essentially the same argument since their honeymoon 29 years earlier—so addicted to the adre- nalized “cocaine” of blame that it had become a permanent feature of their relationship. The answer is for each person to take healthy responsibility for issues in the relationship and together seek ways to both break unhealthy habits and replace them with mutually satisfying ways of relating.
S. Alison Chabonais orchestrates national editorial content for Natural Awakenings magazines.
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