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CAPRICORN DEC 22 - JAN 20 Like Walter Mitty we live, to some extent at least, in an imaginary world. Tere was another famous Capricorn that lived, to some extent at least, in an imaginary world, wasn’t there? Praise him. Tat’s right - Bowie. Davey B knew that if you perceive yourself a certain way, sooner or later, the world joins in with you, and perception becomes reality. Oh unimaginative Capricorn, be more like Bowie. Your lucky egg is chocolate

AQUARIUS JAN 20 - FEB 18 You have, I hope, a good opinion of yourself. Well if not, you should have, because we think you are great. By ‘we’, I mean me and the stars of course. We’ve been watching you, oh humanitarian Aquarius, even when you don’t think anyone can see, there’s no escaping our celestial gaze, and we like what we’ve seen. Sure, nobody’s perfect, but you’re one of the good guys. As such, you’re in line for a little karmic treat this month. See if you can spot it, and keep up the good work. Your lucky glue is super

PISCES FEB 19 - MAR 20 If we all just ignored the information we had at our disposal and paid no attention to our own ideas, wouldn't we make some stupid moves? Well, this depends on the situation. If you’re at a tea dance, and you don’t know your waltz from your rhumba, then you’re going to look like a muppet with half its strings cut. If, however, you are playing with Lego, then instructions are for the unimaginative. Oh, adaptable Pisces, let your creative flag fly. Just don’t step on a brick in your socks. Your lucky fish is gold

everything you want out of life to stack up, you’ll collapse under the weight of your goals. Keep it real. Your lucky Native American name is Aiyana

LEOJUL 23 - AUG 22 We can do so much more than we think. But how do we know? It’s a tricky one, and usually it takes someone else to have faith in your potential for you to realise it yourself. But not this month, oh ambitious Leo; this is the month to believe that you can be more than you are. After all, you know deep down that you’re awesome, right? Are you the kind of person that needs to be told? Hell no! So get out there and show them what you’re made of. Your lucky yo-yo move is walking the dog

TAURUSAPR 20 - MAY 20 In the Fifties, so the comic books tell us, you couldn't walk down a country lane at midnight without seeing strange lights in the sky and encountering a little green man, clutching a ray-gun and burbling, 'Take me to your leader!' In the Nineties it was the same, except it was illegal raves not aliens. Te point, oh patient Taurus, is that things aren’t always what they seem, and if you run away screaming like a banshee from everything unfamiliar then you could be missing out on the night of your life this month. Your lucky mythical creature is a harpy

VIRGOAUG 23 - SEP 22 We don't like to incur criticism. Nobody does. Te problem with you, oh fussy Virgo, is that you do love to give it. I know that you may be a stickler for perfection, but sooner or later, people are going to stop asking for your opinion, and then, when you can’t help but give it anyway, they’re just going to stop asking you anything. Try to remember, just because someone may not be doing it your way, doesn’t mean that it’s not going to work. Your lucky hairstyle is beehive

LIBRASEP 23 - OCT 22 Remember Laurel and Hardy? Do you really though? How many times have you heard “Tat’s another fine mess?” Loads? Wrong, because the line was actually “Here’s

ARIESMAR 21 - APR 19 Classical musicians follow notation, classical civilisations followed oration, and classic mistakes follow libation. Check that shit out. Tat’s like something Oscar Wilde would’ve said. He didn’t though – I did. Oh, impulsive Aries, my point is don’t just follow any old advice just because it sounds like it’s clever, it’s probably just a load of old bollocks inspired by a line from the Daily Mail. Your lucky flower is wild rose

GEMINIMAY 21 - JUN 20 “You say yes, I say no, you say stop and I say go, go, go...” So sang the Beatles, and what a contrary bunch they were. Mind you, they couldn’t half write a tune, so despite their confusing message everyone listened anyway. Oh, indecisive Gemini, yes, no, stop, go… all you need is love. So, come together, love me do, and remember – I am the walrus. Wonderwall!Your lucky cake is a jam doughnut

CANCER JUN 21 - JUL 22 It is all very well to dream about immortality but what a different world it would be if that were to be a reality. Sooner or later, we’d all just be stacked up due to a shortage of space, there wouldn’t be enough food, and the extra weight would eventually collapse the Earth’s crust. Trust me, that’s definitely what would happen. Oh, adaptable Cancer, ambitions are a bit like this. If you allow

8/ May 2016/

another fine mess…” You see, what we remember, and what we think we remember can become confused through nostalgia. For example, my mate swears blind that he was at the Queen’s coronation, because his Gran was, and she used to bang on about it so much, that he thinks it’s a memory. Oh, vain Libra, leave some room for doubt. Your lucky Carry On film is Henry

SCORPIOOCT 23 - NOV 21 Are yours the shoulders that others cry on? Oh, loyal Scorpio, you may wonder why it’s always you that gets lumbered with the weight of everybody else’s worlds. Well, I’ll tell you. It’s because you are trusted. You, Scorpio, are a great friend, and this month all those hours of loyalty and discretion are about to pay off. Woe betide those who try to dampen your May, because you’ll be surprised how many of those people have your back. You’ve only got to look behind you. Your lucky stance is drunken monkey

SAGITTARIUSNOV 22 - DEC 21 We all want to experience magic moments. Well, I’d like to live to experience you being more emotional and less independent, Oh unemotional and independent Sagittarius, I’ve given up any hope of that. No magic moments for me, as you stone-heartedly travel through life ignoring any support from others. Be more emotive and more dependent, or you’ll miss the abracadabra of life. Your lucky time is bedtime


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