40 The Blog Father more from Fitz this month ...........
If you read the magazine last month, you will be familiar with my ‘sentimental chainsaw’ dilemma. The enemy, the good lady wife, bought me a chainsaw for Christmas many moons ago and sadly it is showing its age…. the chainsaw not the enemy. Teeth have gone, the motor is a little reluctant to fire up and to be honest it struggles to get through even the smallest challenge I set it….the chainsaw! So it was with heavy heart that I decided to buy a new one, a shiny, quick start, no yanking your arm socket out, buzzy chainsaw which has already alarmed the neighbours and local emergency services. Mind you, the bloke who sold me the chainsaw was a bit alarmed when he asked me if I needed any clothing to go with it. When I answered yea… a
hockey mask, a pair of dungarees and a baseball cap, he didn’t look happy.
Anyway….. Day One. Arrive home with chainsaw. Get lecture from the enemy about goggles, protective gloves, helmet, chainsaw trousers and boots.
Day Two. Back to shop to buy goggles, protective gloves, helmet, chainsaw trousers and boots. Decide that boots are not really needed but put on trousers which actually are the bee’s knees and fit really well… which indicates I must loose some weight. Saw big branch into logs. Drop large log on foot. Hobble inside garage and discover that I can now not get the boots on due to the swelling of foot.
Day Three. Saw up pallets and the discarded trellis that has been in the garden for twenty years waiting for something to be done with it. Then attack Christmas tree (last year’s or even the one before that) a plank that I found by the side of the road and anything else that might be combustible.
Day Four. Walk into garden to discover that it is covered in a thin layer of sawdust and wood chippings and looks like it has been attacked by a swarm of beavers.
Day Five. Spot log in the only patch
of undergrowth left on the A38. Carry out midnight raid to get it, fall in drainage trench, dent car getting it in the boot and arrive home with tele news reading suit covered in mud. Get the lump out of boot and drop it on my foot again, this time gashing my shin.
So far in order to cut my heating bills with the use of a wood burner, I have spent over £450 on gadgets, have two trips to the chemist for first aid attention, a trip to the body shop at Vospers to organise and a dry cleaning bill of £20 quid to look forward to!
Finally, I must congratulate the enemy for her listing in the mother of the year awards. She is looking after a friend’s teenager at the moment and was sat there waiting for him to return from meeting friends in the village.
‘It’s half past eleven at night, he’s late it’s not like him, something may have happened,’ she said worriedly. ‘I’m getting concerned, I’ve tried
calling him several times on his mobile and he’s not answering.’ Do you think it’s tme to alert the authorities?
When I pointed out that his bedroom light was on, that he’d been in for hours and was trying to get to sleep but the bloody mobile kept going off…
..she went very quite!
Fitz Read more from Fitz by
visiting :
www.tfbcommunications.co.uk You can also listen in to his show on Radio Devon weekdays 10pm-1pm Sun 3pm-5pm
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