CAPRICORN DEC 22 - JAN 20 You can be so creative when you want to be. Tere was another man who could be so creative when he wanted to be, wasn't there. Praise him. Tat's right: Lemmy. In fact, he was anything he wanted to be, and what he wanted to be was a rock god and a consummate gentleman at the same time. He didn't see it as a contradiction, and that's because he did what he wanted, how he wanted, when he wanted. Be more like Lemmy. Your lucky case is damaged
PISCES FEB 19 - MAR 20 Do you happen to know what we're all doing here? No? Of course you don’t, that’s my job. All you can do is try to make informed decisions, and roll with the punches. Oh, adaptable Pisces, this month, make like a cub scout. I don’t mean wear shorts and a woggle (unless that’s your thing), I mean ‘be prepared’. It’s like Lord Baden-Powell once said: “A Scout is never taken by surprise; he knows exactly what to do when anything unexpected happens.” Your lucky shoes to dance the blues in are red
ARIESMAR 21 - APR 19 'Make up your mind to be happy, life is a merry-go-round...' So sang Scottish fraggle-haired folk troubadour Donovan. ‘Tere’s still time to make a change,’ added God-hopping plinky-plonker Cat Stevens. ‘Tings can only get better,’ chimed in boffin-backed Blairite scum D:ream, just before day-glo banshee nightmare Yazz shrieked ‘Te only way is UP!’, much to her chagrin. Te point is, oh moody Aries, you need to choose to be happy. Your lucky skill level is absolute beginner.
speaking, contains at least one molecule of Audrey Hepburn’s farts. Oh, self-absorbed Cancer, it’s not all about you. Your lucky change is time
LEOJUL 23 - AUG 22 What are you waiting for this month? Let’s do this thing. You made excuse after excuse last month, oh stubborn Leo, but now is the time. For the thing. You’ve tried this thing before, but things have changed. Nothing is impossible, so strike while the thing is hot, grab the thing by the things, and thing that thing right in the thing. Your lucky people are on streets
AQUARIUS JAN 20 - FEB 18 Some people think only simplistic thoughts. Other people can't stop thinking deeply. But which is best? Well, they say ignorance is bliss, but then if we didn't have big thinkers, we'd have none of the technological advances that we all know and love. Oh, clever Aquarius, there's a middle ground to be struck here betwixt sobbing boffin and happy buffoon. Tat's where you need to be this month, so read some Voltaire, just do it pissed. Your lucky chips are hot
VIRGOAUG 23 - SEP 22 Tere is no cosmic conspiracy. So say the boffins in their ivory test- tube towers, with their Bunsen burners, beakers, and microscopes. But when it comes down to answering the questions of the universe, they’re just scratching their bald, pale heads and squinting at a fucking petri dish. Oh, skeptical Virgo, Mercury is in retrograde this month. No cosmic conspiracy? No cosmic conspiracy my arse.Your lucky pilgrimage is Ibiza to the Norfolk Broads.
LIBRASEP 23 - OCT 22 People often wonder whether events were 'meant to be'. Dr E Mann wonders about the events that were ‘not meant to be’. Tat’s what sets me apart from less spiritual beings; thinking outside of the cosmic box. Oh, superficial Libra, you ask, ‘why?’, I ask, ‘why not?’. You ask, ‘how?’, I ask, ‘how not?’. You say potato, I say po-tah-to. And only the most enlightened people say po-tah-to. Not you, though, you cosmic spudmuncher. Your lucky stare is gazeless
TAURUSAPR 20 - MAY 20 Invariably, some situations will aggravate, irritate and exasperate us. It is how we react in these scenarios that defines us. Tey are the rains that lash our leaves, the snows that strain our boughs, the winds that rattle our trunks. Oh, patient Taurus, you will need to harness your composure this month. Don’t get ground down by the root-ine (routine). Your lucky message is from the action man.
GEMINIMAY 21 - JUN 20 If we try, and keep trying long enough, hard enough, it is amazing how far we can get. Exercise caution though, oh, impulsive Gemini; once, on a spiritual pilgrimage, I went too far on a bus and got myself into a sticky situation around the Baltic region. Remember, the faster the bus goes, the longer the stopping distance, so ring the bell when you want to get off. Your lucky way is most peculiar
CANCER JUN 21 - JUL 22 We ought to be awestruck. Te marvel of the cosmos surrounds us in the smallest of atoms and the largest of constellations. When we look to the heavens, every photon we capture in our eyes has travelled for millennia, and every breath we take, statistically
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SCORPIOOCT 23 - NOV 21 If you suspect that something can't happen this month, you perhaps ought to ask yourself “WHY???!!! WHAT HAVE I DONE TO DESERVE THIS?? WHY, GOD, WHY?? WHY DOES EVERYTHING TURN TO ASH IN FRONT OF MY EYES AND ALL THE LOVE I’VE EVER KNOWN WITHER AND BURN?? WHEN WILL I FEEL ANYTHING OTHER THAN THIS BLACKNESS IN MY CORE THAT EATS ANY AND ALL LIGHT??” Oh, lucky Scorpio, Saturn indicates that love is in the air around the 14th. Your lucky mammals that you wish you could swim like are dolphins.
SAGITTARIUSNOV 22 - DEC 21 Big, brave, bold choices are the stuff of story books. Well, unemotional, independent Sagittarius, if you don’t change your ways, your life story will be an emotionless, independently produced horror, starring you alone, as an unfeeling, self-exiled monster. Do you want to know how it ends? No? Tat’s right. No one does. Be less independent and more emotional. Your lucky band mates are Weird and Gilly
BY DR E. MANN
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