die laughing. The answers relate to having accomplished what we are all here to ac- complish: serving the world in a unique way, rather than a way imposed by oth- ers. My father literally died laughing as my mother told wonderful stories about their early relationship. When my father was tired of his body


he said to my mother, “I need to get out of here.” That is when we all gathered and made his transition an unforgettable one, giving the surviving family a different feel- ing about death. My father-in-law was a great teacher,


too. He lived to be 97 in a body rendered quadriplegic by a fall twenty years prior. When I asked him for advice for the elder- ly he said, “Tell them to fall on something soft.” A few days later he said to me. “It doesn’t always work. They stood me up in therapy and I fell on my wife and broke her leg. So tell them to just fall up.” I thought that was a joke until the evening he told us he was tired of his body, refused his dinner, evening vitamins and died that night. As far as I am concerned he just fell up. When love is involved and guilt is not a part of dying, how easy it can be to leave at the appropriate time; it is easier, then, for your loved ones to leave your bedside. Many years before my father-in-law


died, he developed a multitude of symp- toms, was unable to eat and was close to death. When a new nursing home was built near our house, I said I was going to move him so we could be close to him in his final week of life.


He agreed, and within a few days af-


ter his move, he was smiling and eating. I asked him, “How come you’re not dying anymore?” He answered, “I was dying to make the people in the other nursing home happy. They were tired of taking care of me.” He lived for many years after that. Again it shows us how important our con- nections and relationships are to other liv- ing things. We know the benefits of people having


pets, but even plants and goldfish can pro- long survival when they give us meaning. In one nursing home study they put plants in all the rooms but only half the residents were told the plants were their responsibil- ity to water and care for. The others were told they were simply room decorations. Those who were given responsibility lived an average of six years longer. Let me close with two simple tech- niques for knowing what the aged are thinking without having to verbalize things they do not want to share. One is to ask, “How would you feel if placed in a totally white room?” and “What is your favorite animal and why?”


When a senior is tired of living or


physically exhausted the white room is a spiritual sanctuary they are happy to be in because there is no stimulation and they can rest there. When there is still an active life force they will want to leave, redeco- rate or put in a picture window. The description of one’s favorite ani-


mal is always related to one’s feeling about one’s self. So an active meaningful descrip-


tion also speaks about the same thing in that person’s life and self. When there is no animal, life or energy in their choice they are ready to move on to become dream- less, unalive and perfect again. Please re- member that leaving our bodies is a thera- peutic decision at some point. When we leave we do not take our afflictions with us. That is another topic we can discuss in another issue; related to near death experi- ences.


Bernie currently has a mind, heart & health matters support group for those in need and for caregivers support group the first Wednesday evening of every month and a cancer support group the second and fourth Tuesday evenings of the month at Coach- man’s Square on Bradley Road, Wood- bridge. If interested contact Lucille Ranciato lranciato1@yahoo.com 203 288 2839203 288 2839 or email Bernie at bugsyssiegel@ sbcglobal.net for details. Wisdom of the Ages, a special place to


nurture your spiritual side. It’s filled with items to calm the mind, heal the body & empower your spirit. Wisdom of the Ages is owned by Bernie’s son & daughter- in-law, Keith & Jane Siegel. Located at 1414 Hopmeadow St. Simsbury. Please call for info or to register for Bernie’s group. (860) 651-1172, www.wis- domoftheages.biz. See ad on page 42.


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