UPBEAT TIMES • March 2014 • 19


By Guest Writer Cindy Cowan • seacyd@comcast.net SANTA ROSA, CA. ~


I


shouldn’t have complained last October, about the annoy- ing bird in our tree that chirps me


awake


every morn- ing. Oh, he’s still out there, but now he has been joined by a skunk or skunks, that have taken up


residence in the front yard. I’m not sure if it’s the fun frolicking of a whole fam- ily, or a loner skunk warn- ing the neighborhood cats to leave the striped “kitty” alone? Whatever the case may be, it/ they stink! The smell wakes me up long before Mr. Chirpy gets the chance.


My search for a solution started, of course, on the inter- net; not much there, unless one knows where to buy fox urine. (And even then, what does that smell like?) So, I called a friend in Oregon who has lived and worked around wildlife, to ask if she knew of any ways to deter them. I left a message on her voicemail, but due to a poor connection or perhaps my agitated rambling, she didn’t quite understand exactly what I said. When she called back and told me she had a solution to my problem, I was all ears. Then she said, “Tell them you have some chores you need help with, and put them to work.” I sat there dumbfounded. Does she really think skunks understand humans, and what could they possibly do except dig up my yard? It finally dawned on me something was lost in transla- tion and I asked her what she thought I was talking about. She replied that she thought I was asking how to get rid of punks, i.e. teenagers, loiter- ing in my yard. She had really given it some consideration, too! We had a great laugh, but alas, she had no answers for


Family Perspective Skunks, Punks and Birthdays


my skunk issue. Thankfully, I do not have


a punk problem. That’s not to say I don’t have teenag- ers


hanging


around, but they act and smell okay. I will actually have


two


teenagers in my house for eight


months. My “baby” girl turns thirteen the day after St. Patty’s and my son will be twenty in November. So far in my career as a par-


ent, I have only worked with the teenage dudes. My new position requires that I learn how to handle the dudettes, who are, like, so totally “dif” from, like, the guys and every- thing. I’m like, pretty scared. For example, she wants a mature birthday party this year. No silly games, no kid stuff, and her Dad and I are NOT to embarrass her. In fact, we don’t really need to stay for the whole party. Yeah right, as if! Gone are the days of bows in her hair, cuddling on the couch and Mommy-kissing away the boo-boo’s. I can’t kiss away the pain in her heart when a friend betrays her and if I came at her with a big, beautiful bow, she would roll her eyes completely out the back of her head. A cuddle lasts until the phone rings or someone knocks at the door. (It isn’t for me anyway.) Life is changing pretty fast around my house these days. I guess the only thing to do is roll with it, embrace every pre- cious memory and stand ready to face the next wave. Boys! As far as my husband is con- cerned every boy is a potential punk in the making, and they all stink! So, if anyone knows how to get rid of skunks or punks, or can tell me how to have a grown-up kid’s birthday party, I’m listening.


JOKES & Humor # 8


Tyson Barbera Win's the March 2014 Artist of the Month Contest!


When the waitress in a New York City restaurant brought him the soup du jour, the Englishman was a bit


dismayed. "Good heavens," he said, "what is this?"


"Why, it's bean soup," she replied.


"I don't care what it has been," he sputtered. "What is it now?"


OFFICIAL FOOD FIGHT ~


SANTA ROSA, CA. ~ I am a recycled metal artist out of Santa Rosa. This is a photo of a boston terrier. I used smashed up sheet metal from a Chevy car door. Then I paint them up. Thanks for the consideration! ~ Tyson Babera


Certificate From Riley Street Art Supply!


If you are an artist and want to have your artwork seen by the world, send us a high quality pdf, jpg or digital photo at high resolution and we will choose one of you to be our feature artist of the month. Once chosen, we will have gift certificate ready for you. Send to:


upbeat@upbeattimes.com It's a strange


world of language in which skating on thin ice can get


you into hot water. Franklin P. Jones


I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything. ~Steven Wright UPBEAT TIMES • March 2014 • 19 WIN A $ 25 Gift 35¢


In February 1994 in New Brighton, Minn., a 32-year- old man and his 24-year-old girlfriend were arrested after a food fight in a grocery store. After arguing loudly, the couple began throwing sweet potatoes at each other. Eventually, the man allegedly threw the woman into several vegetable racks, sending the contents spilling to the floor. As both continued to brawl on the floor, she allegedly stuffed lettuce into the man's mouth.


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