CREDO Credo... Des Clarke
The fast-talking star of Capital FM’s Breakfast Show has been performing since school and is just about to start his second season in panto
I was a placid child. I wasn’t too much trouble, but I do remember getting up one night and pulling a mole off my sister’s face. I have no idea why I did it. She had to have the job fi nished off properly by a doctor. That was an awkward night.
My fi rst comedy gig was when I was 19, though I’d been doing it at school, Holyrood Secondary on the south side of Glasgow, from the age of 12. I was quiet and shy but at the school talent show my mate and I would put on these silly voices and do impressions of teachers and celebrities – Billy Connolly, Frank Spencer, John Motson. And we won it. That was the fi rst time I’d experienced the feeling of the crowd – it was just a wave of positivity. I loved the acceptance of my peers, so when I was 19 I decided to do an open-mic gig in Glasgow. It all started from there.
When I fi rst started gigging I’d talk at a hundred miles an hour. It was a style born out of necessity, because I was really nervous. I knew I’d get heckled so I thought if I went really fast they wouldn’t be able to interrupt me. But as the years went on I became less nervous. Speaking so quickly felt like an act, so I stopped it.
The best thing about panto is the energy of the audience. Sometimes, when it’s a wet Tuesday afternoon, say, it can be hard to feel enthusiastic. But then I hear the buzz of the crowd, and it just lifts you. The way they go for it spurs you on to raise your energy and work for them. That’s the key to it – panto really is for the people. Glasgow has a huge panto tradition, especially at the King’s. And all the greats of Scottish comedy have performed here – Gerard Kelly, Stanley Baxter, Rikki Fulton, Jack Milroy, Elaine C Smith. It’s an honour to follow in their footsteps.
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Working with Karen Dunbar is great. Last year was my fi rst panto, so it was good to have her and Gavin Mitchell there to help me. They’re really funny people, and a lot of the laughs we have offstage we continue onstage. That’s why the same cast was brought back for Aladdin – we have good chemistry.
The worst thing about panto is that it’s so relentless and demanding that it can be hard to enjoy the build-up to Christmas. We do about 12 shows a week, plus I still have to fi t in my breakfast radio show. It makes Christmas shopping tricky – you have to try and nip out between matinees.
I’ve met Justin Timberlake and Kylie and I was fi ne. But I get starstruck when it’s somebody in comedy, because it means more to me. I met Bob Mortimer, from Vic & Bob, and Eddie Izzard and I got really starstruck. I grew up watching these guys – they infl uenced my decision to go into comedy.
Glasgow is my favourite part of Scotland. It’s where I grew up and where my family and friends are. I feel a real connection with it. When I was young we’d go to Loch Lomond a lot. I have vivid memories of swimming in a stream at Luss and getting the worst sunburn ever – I can still feel it. Great days! I still go there now with my girlfriend – it’s so picturesque but it’s also lively.
I don’t have any hidden talents. I put everything I’ve got, which is limited, out there. I’ve got by on just being able to talk for a living. Having said that, I am quite good at pool; I could hold my own in a pub.
I once beat a cow in a race. I was on the radio, chatting away, saying cows weren’t fast movers and that I could probably run quicker. I soon reali sed I’d made a mistake: I ended up in a fi eld in Dunfermline, where they’d recorded how long it took a cow to run from one marker to another. I had to run the same distance – and I just managed to beat it. That really is a hidden talent.
The secret of success is to put yourself in the right place at the right time. I don’t think there’s much luck in this industry – you have to work at it. And try not to burn any bridges unless you really have to – in which case, torch them.
My perfect weekend would be a gig and an Italian meal with my girlfriend, then Sunday in my pyjamas, watching boxsets with my brain switched off.
Aladdin is at the King’s Theatre, Glasgow, from 6 December until 12 January
Latin. (n) ‘I believe’. A set of beliefs which infl uences the way you live.
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