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metaphysical mechanics of time and explain why its illusory qualities can be made to work to your advantage. But you’re a self-pitying and loyal Cancer so I’m going to break that promise, safe in the knowledge that you’ll keep coming back for more of this bullshit, See you next month, sucker. Lucky Day: 17th November


AQUARIUSJan 20 - Feb 18 What are you waiting for and why? Te stars, planets and the exact location of your birth in the year… anyway, don’t worry about all that. I’m a Doctor of these things. You’re golden. If you needed a knife, you’d have ten-thousand knives. Rain on your wedding day? Not for you, you big star. Lucky day: 23rd November


PISCESFeb 19 - Mar 20 So much to do and so little time to do it in. Doctor E. Mann must vacate this plane now. Sorry Pisces, you’re on your own. I’ll leave you with this thought: If you’re walking on eggs, don’t hop. Lucky Day: 11th November


ARIESMar 21 - Apr 19 Too often, instead of saying what you mean, you say what you think others need to hear. And that’s great! Te stuff you think in that wobbly-headed optimistic haze you spend your life in has no place in grown- up conversations. Keep a lid on it and people will love you for what you’re not, not what you’ve got. Lucky Day: 4th


November


TAURUSApr 20 - May 20 'I am a rock, I am an island.' So goes the old Simon and Garfunkel song. And you’re a


bit of a Garfunkel, aren’t you? Perhaps if you stopped sniffing around those more talented than you and pissing in their shadow for one second you could create something yourself. It would be shit, but give it a go. Lucky Day: 22nd November


GEMINIMay 21 - Jun 22 Does it seem to you as if every time you take a step forward, you find yourself having to take another step back? Tis means you are Bez, and Bez is an Aries, so you’re not. You have no excuse. Take a step forward and stand there for a bit. Lucky Day: 9th November


CANCERJun 21 - Jul 22 I promised that this week I would talk you through the


10 / November 2013/outlineonline.co.uk


LEOJul 23 - Aug 22 People who are interested in making genuine discoveries, soon learn that these come much more rapidly and reliably when you keep an open mind. I mean, think about the first person that tried cheese, or erotic poo-games. Curiosity killed the scat. I think there’s a lesson there for us all. Lucky Day: 25th November


VIRGOAug 23 - Sep 22 It is always good to be delicate and sensitive. Tis is my advice to you. However, Doctor E. Mann isn’t a Virgo, so suck it up, you tear-pissing tissue-botherer. Te crying after sex is what drove


them away, crying after no sex won’t bring them back. Lucky Day: 3rd


November


LIBRASep 23 - Oct 22 You are starting to feel inclined to ask yourself some deep and difficult questions. However, your typical Libran indecisiveness makes this a hopeless endeavour. Stick to shallow and easy ones, like “do they draw maps from space?” Ask me instead. “No, dummy, they don’t.” Ask me another.Lucky day: 26th November


SCORPIO Oct 23 - Nov 21 Pride is a funny thing. It can bring people together, it can tear families apart, it can be a glorious street party with floats and attractive people… For you though, jealous Scorpio, it is a danse macabre of sad memories, bad decisions and wrong turns. Humble up, yo. Lucky Day: 28th November


SAGITTARIUSNov 22 - Dec 21 It's rethink time. It’s time to


rethink your independence and unemotionality. Be more dependent and emotional. You are too independent and unemotional. Oh, Sagittarius. It’s time to rethink your independence and unemotionality. If you don’t you’ll end up alone and numb. Lucky Day: 32nd November


CAPRICORNDec 22 -Jan20 You know, there’s was another famous Capricorn, wasn’t there? Praise be. He bestowed great beauty to world, he befriended fallen women, he truly was the King of King’s. Yes, Elvis was great. Be more like Elvis. Lucky Day: 15th November


Oct 23 - Nov 21 Pride is a funny thing. It can bring people together, it can tear families apart, it can be a glorious street party with floats and attractive people… For you though, jealous Scorpio, it is a danse macabre of sad memories, bad decisions and wrong turns. Humble up, yo. Lucky Day: 28th November


SCORPIO


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