by Donna Burick
“Once we realize that imperfect understanding is the human
Shame is like that Mary Poppins bag - the more you pull out, more and more seems to be in there.
condition there is no shame in being wrong, only in failing to correct our mistakes.” ~ George Soros
“I used to look in the mirror and
feel shame, I look in the mirror now and I absolutely love myself.” ~ Drew Barrymore
Shame is so powerful because it can color everything – even things not remotely associated with the event you wince about when you recall it. That’s because shame is about you – it’s the thought that “I’m bad” rather than “I did a bad thing or made a bad choice”. Dr. Brene Brown describes shame as “the intense- ly painful feeling or experience of believing we are flawed and therefore unworthy of connection and belonging.”
HOW DO YOU SEND YOUR SHAME BAG PACKING?
• Face Your Shame Shame’s power lies in secrets. We run from this emotion
because it comes wrapped in intense fear so our flight/fight/freeze trigger gets pulled every time we bump up against shame. That’s why it is so important to notice when you experience shame and what your reactions are to it. Witnessing your actions instead of
being embroiled in them is your first step toward releasing your grip on this bag of shame.
• Understand your Shame Shame’s job, ironically enough, is to
allow us to connect with others more deeply. But this cannot happen while you’re burdened with such heavy baggage. But once you’re able to let go of your shame a rush of compassion and empathy floods in to take up the previously occupied space. You can know this is true because the gifts of “negative” emotions are always the op- posite of our initial reactions and notions of them. With shame, your initial reaction is to withdraw, so it follows that the gift is deep connection.
• Fix Your Shame
Shame must be shared to be released. I know how scary that sounds but it can be one of the most freeing exercises you ever undertake. The most important thing is to choose your share partner wisely. Pick a friend or relative that you feel you can share with without fear of judgment. Perhaps you would feel more comfortable going to a professional therapist or life coach who could act as your share partner and where you will have a safe space to open up without hesitancy.
Once your shame is spoken you’re on a new path headed away from this baggage. You’re able to release yourself from the
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VIRTUE DENTAL CARE 336.679.2034 Natural Triad Magazine
301 East Lee Avenue • Yadkinville, NC General Dentistry
www.VirtueDental.com JUNE 2013
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