Why Saying 'I Should' Sabotages Your Success I
should do this. I should do that. Pause for a moment and reflect on the fre- quency of how often you say ‘I should’
to yourself or out loud. I should eat better. I should spend more time with my kids. I should lower my stress. I should stop beating myself up all the time. I should exercise. I should call my mother. I should get my oil changed. Saying ‘I should’ is a barrier that pre-
vents you from making change. These are words that keep you stuck in repetitive negative behavior patterns. You want to change, you think you ‘should’ change, but are not able to do so.
Why is saying ‘I should’ a barrier to change?
• ‘I SHOULD’ Keeps You in the Past. Whenever you say, ‘I should,’ it is non- committal. ‘I should’ is a passive state- ment with no action in it. It allows you to stay exactly where you are because ‘I should’ says nothing—zero—nada about your current or next action.
• ‘I SHOULD’ is an Outside Voice. Say- ing ‘I should’ places meaning on an outside voice that may or may not be true for you. Sustained change occurs when it is from your inner voice. Your inside motivation. Your inner confidence. An ‘I should’ lends your personal authority over to someone, or something, else. Not cool.
• ‘I SHOULD’ Fuels Guilt. ‘I should’ is plagued with deprecation and guilt. Bemoaning what could or may have been. Once again, keeping you in the past AND fueling feelings of guilt. Dys- functional behavior thrives on guilt. An ‘I should’ will trigger guilty feelings in a heartbeat.
What are ways to replace an ‘I should’ with something that will produce authen- tic action? The first key is awareness. In order to
change, you must be aware and bear wit- ness to the voices of ‘I should’ in your head
Natural Triad Magazine
and those you speak out loud. Being mindful, the practice of paying attention to the present moment with compassion, allows you to cultivate non- judgmental awareness of your habitual thought and behavior patterns. When you notice yourself say these
words, you have entered a new state of awareness. Congratulations! The next step is to respond to this awareness with open- ness, kindness, and discernment. There may be an impulse to want to judge the ‘I should’ statement by saying, ‘I shouldn’t be saying I should.’ This is not the way to change. When you identify you have said an ‘I should,’ thank yourself for the awareness. Appreciate you have no- ticed by taking one to two seconds to pause and take one full breath. Then, as- sess what is right for you at that moment in time. It does not matter why you said, ‘I should.’ It only matters that you choose your next action with honesty and kind- ness.
Below are several options to replace
‘I should:’ • Yes. Saying yes has many forms.
Saying yes can be an immediate action like ‘Yes, I am calling her tonight.’ Saying yes can also take the form of saying, ‘I will’ with an associated time frame.
• I am considering this option. If you are unsure if you will commit to some- thing, there is always time for you to
consider the option. Instead of saying ‘I should,’ consider offering a truth statement of ‘I am not sure this is right for me at this time. Let me consider this option.’
• No. Sometimes you just know you cannot do one more thing. It is unrealistic to add or adjust any part of your life, no matter how small, at a particular time. In this case, just say no. Examples include, ‘No, I will not be participating in that event’ or ‘No, this isn’t the best choice for me at this time.’
• Silence. If you are aware of the ‘I
should’ in your head and it hasn’t made it out your mouth yet, consider not respond- ing at all. By not lending energy to some- thing you do not want, you will immedi- ately create a closer connection to what you do want.
The next time you say, ‘I should,’ what
is your next step? Enjoy this practice and the freedom from releasing yourself from the sabotage of saying ‘I should.’
Angela Savitri is the creator of the Trans- formation Makeunder™: A Woman’s Journey to Restore the Body & Honor Her Voice. She uses principles of behavioral science, mindfulness, and embodiment to create programs that free women of the costly physical and emotional symptoms of chronic stress. Download her free audio training, Three Secrets to Self-Care Without Feeling Guilty, at
www.caprihealth.com.
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