Real (Authentic) Men Wanted By Julie Palmer F
or many centuries, the women of western society have been reevaluating and changing the role of the feminine. The meta- morphosis has been slow but always changing. Men, as a group, have lagged behind.
I believe this is because they are on the top of the food chain and have not had to change. But now they must leave their sophomoric and indulgent ways behind, and move toward what I call the “Authen- tic Masculine,” to becoming balanced, complete, conscious, and connected. This is critical for their individual happiness, their families, and the world. The archetype of the masculine war- rior/hero is the prevalent archetype for most western men. Although the archetype has its place, it is narrow and limiting, leaving little room for expansive ideas, open-minded change and discussion. The warrior/hero archetype lacks a
continuum. Things are right or wrong, good or bad, black or white. Duality is the warrior/hero’s form of organization. The gray areas, where life-enhancing solutions are usually found, are missing. Duality is a system of comparison and judgment; it separates and polarizes. On a national level, this duality has become the basis for our culture, government, and religions. The powerful decide what is right and wrong, who can do what and how. If you look closely at the warrior/hero you see the ultimate
individual, saving the world from what he thinks is the enemy, from what he considers wrong. The idea that the person might not want to be saved or changed is irrelevant to the warrior/hero. If there is a desire attached to this there is no stopping him from taking what he wants, at any expense. The need for possession and desire fill the empty space of the parts that were taken from him; the parts that are opposed to the limited view of the masculine that this narrow arche- type promotes. Thus, life becomes an inner battle. There is separation and fear of the feminine, as it is the opposite of the masculine, the feminine being the mother, sister, and lover archetypes. The warrior/ hero rarely has a relationship that is based on genuine respect of the feminine. There is always the fear of losing his maleness or masculin- ity, the fear of losing control over the situation and himself. This has manifested itself into a blindness and separation from the destruction he has committed and continues to create, also reinforcing the need for possession and desire. The connection to the self, family, community, the world at large, and most importantly to the totality of life – the great ma- trix – is lost. The masculine aspect of our culture as it stands now is disconnected. Men are disconnected from their true selves, from the repercussions of their actions, from the feminine, from their role as wise protector, and from the natural cycle of life. The result of this
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disconnect is men who are stuck in adolescence; they are fragment- ed, angry, depressed, and at times violent. The desire, possession, entitlement, greed, and need for power, are bringing such destruction to the earth that we are at a point of annihila- tion. Men have lost their perception of the collective and their role in it; this includes the human collective, the famil- ial, and the earth. Their role within the natural world has been erased. The role of responsible and mature caretaker is deficient.
I believe that there are many factors that, if rectified, could bring balance to every aspect of life. I propose a continu- um instead. The continuum allows things to be what they are authentically. Rather than opposites there are complimentary relationships, things that are naturally together. Life and death would be per- ceived as life death. You cannot have one without the other. It is what it is, not good or bad, it just is. The continuum allows a place for everyone and everything with- out judgment or separation. It encom- passes the many, allowing for a holistic perception and the capacity to unify and expand life’s experience. It also has the capacity to expand the roles and expecta-
tions of the masculine, uniting the many parts that have been lost or taken by cultural and familial pressures, expectations, shame, and abuse. The continuum is all encompassing; the expectation is that of variety, difference, and tolerance. I am offering an archetype that is open to life’s fullness and
the ever-changing process of life. It has the potential to allow the masculine to expand, becoming whole and connected. I call this archetype the Authentic Masculine. This is an individual who is a part of the continuum, the whole, with an understanding that no one sits in the same place. Change and difference are the rule, not feared or resisted. The Authentic Masculine is honorable and complete, al- lowing men to communicate authentically, supporting their ability to express vulnerabilities, pain, love, beauty, and limitations; encourag- ing the ability to laugh at oneself, and to live with ease and grace. Most of these attributes currently are associated with the femi- nine in our dualistic culture, making it difficult for the masculine to embrace them as their own. With the continuum, not only can men be comfortable with themselves, they can become less fragmented, less angry, less resistant to change, and more tolerant of others. The roles and expectations of the masculine are expanded, allowing for a diverse, ever-changing life experience. Another positive characteristic of The Authentic Masculine is the genuine respect for the feminine. There is no fear of losing any part of themselves. When there is an understanding of the entirety of
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