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Agony aunt


How do you build a relationship with your daughter when you live abroad? What tips do you have for my child’s interview and should you send your twins to separate schools? First Eleven’s Agony Aunt, Victoria Lambert, rounds up the experts to answer your questions…


My son is in his first year at a fairly small London boys’ prep school. There is a very disruptive child who is causing immense trouble for all and takes the full attention of the teacher and teaching assistant. I’m concerned that my son’s education is suffering. What should I do? David, north London


Victoria says: Make an appointment to


My seven year old has dyspraxia with very mild dyslexia. Is it worth teaching him to touch type with the intention of getting him into a good grammar school, or should I be aiming for a smaller private school? Helen, Bucks


Rhys Johnston says: Touch-typing will aid the recording process if your son has this as a recommendation for his learning needs. My advice would be to select a school which will cater for his needs and where he will be supported and happy. There are a number of children’s books


which help to explain what it is like to have a learning need and how children can support each other. Look out for Dyslexia Wonders, written by 12-year-old Jennifer Smith and the Hank Zipzer series of books (hankzipzer. com). Inspired by the true life


experiences of actor Henry Winkler, this deals with learning differences in a


humorous manner.


see the class teacher and the head. Take a bullet point list of issues, but don’t be confrontational – or overly sympathetic either. Ask them to explain how they intend to manage the problem. Ask what help they would like from other parents, and how far their boundaries stretch before they take disciplinary action. If you don’t feel you are taken seriously, or if nothing changes within a couple of weeks, ask to see the governor and bring up the same points. Meanwhile, shop around. It is frustrating, but ultimately you may simply have to move your son to a school which takes its pastoral duties seriously.


The Director of Studies Rhys Johnston is Director of Studies, Eltham College Junior School, south London.


My 11-year-old daughter is a boarder and her principal residence is with her father in Surrey. Although I try to see her every half term, and she spends most of the summer holiday with me in the US, there is no doubt our relationship is not easy. Her father and I split up two years ago and we decided that boarding gave a continuity to her life. We often end up fighting which breaks both our hearts. As I am now expecting another child, I can see matters worsening. How do we manage our long-distance relationship? Janie, New York


Isla Whitcroft: In the two years that your daughter has been boarding she has grown


The Author Isla Whitcroft is the author of The Cate Carlisle Files: Trapped and Deep Water (Piccadilly Press £7.99). The latest adventure, Viper’s Nest, is out 1st July.


from a young child, unable to articulate her fear over her parents’ separation, to a girl on the point of puberty, hormones raging, who is more than capable of fighting her corner. She may also feel that by your absence you have forfeited both your authority to control and any right to criticise, and thus reacts to both with a frustrated anger. Try to spend more time with her. You


could fly to the UK once or twice a year to see her at Easter or Christmas, surprise her at an exeat perhaps – let her know she is more than worth the effort. In between, Skype every day if possible, chatting about things that matter to her and telling her about your life. Make sure you don’t let your guilt get in the way of proper acknowledgement. Include her in your pregnancy and ensure she is one of the


first people you tell about the birth. Ask her father for coping strategies and that he backs you up and facilitates your visits. You have to accept that by living far away


from your daughter you have chosen a high- risk strategy and it’s up to you – not her – to


The Headmistress Dr Helen Wright contributes to the website mydaughter.co.uk. She is a former president of the GSA and Head of St Mary’s, Calne.


54 FirstEleven Summer 2012


www.firstelevenmagazine.co.uk


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