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Comment Education


don’t succeed... F


If at first you


ailure: It’s a big word – whether you are six, 16 or 66. Yet failure is a fact of life for everyone at some point – even for the most gifted person, the one with the Midas touch. So why are we so shy of talking about it in


A dose of failure is good for your child, says Heather Hanbury


our schools – and in our homes? We rightly talk up suc- cesses with honours boards, league tables, and parents encouraging success in their children. But do we praise each little achievement so much that children have no idea that they might get things wrong, let alone know how to deal with it when they do? “Failing well” is something we can, and should, teach


our children: to take failure on the chin, to pick themselves up and try again. It is a useful skill at any age and especially for those in the transition years of prep to senior school. Younger children are more willing to “have a go” – they


often measure success, or fun, in terms of the number of “goes” they have, not upon the result of each attempt. As they grow older, however, they worry about getting things wrong and often put pressure on themselves to succeed in everything at the first at- tempt. This growing self-consciousness may be partly learnt from observing us. Adults are very resistant to “having a go” in case they make a fool of them- selves – when was the last time you volunteered to go first when asked to participate in role play? Rather


than shield- ing children


from


risk, we serve them better by teaching them how to assess risk for themselves. Children who join in with lots of extra- curricular activities get used to trying – and sometimes failing at – new things. They soon realise that noone can play the piano perfectly first time, so why expect per- fection in their schoolwork straight away? They learn to say to themselves: “I haven’t got it right yet”, and in doing so learn the true value of success; as one of our students said: “If you fail at first, and then succeed afterwards, the feeling is amazing!” When Wimbledon High School recently held a Failure Week some assumed we were promoting a non-com- petitive environment where everyone’s a winner. On the


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contrary! Winning matters a great deal and competitive sport is crucial in teaching life skills of perseverance and tenacity. Children should be encouraged to strive for that number one spot. But second and third places are praise- worthy too – why else have silver and bronze medals? So back in the classroom how do we encourage children


to “fail well” and develop intellectual robustness? We start by rewarding students who don’t always ask for help im- mediately, who don’t want everything spoon fed to them. We watch out for students who always get top marks and encourage them to take more risks with their learning, attempting more difficult questions and projects. We ensure a positive atmos- phere where students help, and are helped,


by their peers. As a parent commented: “It is healthy that the girls can share their disappointments and gain support from teachers and friends.” A large number of the supportive emails I received as a result of our initiative alluded precisely to the lack


of support people faced when things went wrong for them at university, or later in life. One mother wrote: “Suddenly


at Oxford she was no longer the best of the best, as


she had been throughout her school career, and this came as something of a shock”. Another high achiev- er told me that he found university work unbearably difficult because school lessons had come easily to him, thus he lacked self-study skills. Learn how to cope in school, with all the pastoral care around you, and you’re set up for life, they affirmed. How can parents help? Praise them for “having


a go”, for their effort and resourcefulness. Instead of saying: “That is a great picture of a tree”, try saying: “What an interesting picture, you used great colours to draw that tree”. If it clearly looks nothing like a tree, your 10-year-old will know! But most of all, when something goes wrong, encourage


them to say so. Make it clear that adults don’t get everything right either. Don’t brush fail- ure under the carpet – call it what it is and you’ll be doing your children a favour.


Heather Hanbury is Headmistress of Wimbledon High School, GDST.


Summer 2012 FirstEleven 25


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