Head Viewpoint Comment I
How do you know if your child will cope at boarding school? Roland Martin has some words of reassurance
Home from home
n September, House Parents in schools across the country are faced with a similar challenge: reassur- ing the parents – dropping their sons and daughters at boarding school for the first time – that the deci- sion that they made was in fact the right move.
Remarkably, the idea of boarding is still perceived by some as an option for either “troubled teens” or “unloved children”. Recently, a good friend argued at supper that she would never board her son as she felt that she would be neglecting her duty as a mother by so-doing. Good House Parents see their
role as being as a support to family life rather than as an option to re- place it, working in close partnership with parents during a period in ado- lescent development that may or may not be “troubled”. If you find the right school for your child (and that’s the key issue), it might be that you also find within it the right House and a good option for supporting your child’s development through boarding. When I was a House Mas-
ter at Eton, I often suggested that it was worse for parents than it is for their children, who would within a few hours be making new friends and embracing fresh challenges. It can help parents if they can be put in touch with seasoned boarders’ parents to support them through the process when they are questioning their deci- sion to “send their child away”. Parents of my 53 boys knew that they could contact me 24/7 on my mobile; boys knew that my Dame (Eton speak for matron) or I could be found any time of the day. I made sure that I saw each boy (from age 13 to 18) before bedtime and sometimes scooped up any wobblers for hot chocolate in my family kitchen. Having boarded myself and having spent 13 years
working in a boarding-only school I would say with confidence that boarding works for the right child. Boarding from school to school is of course very differ-
ent. Some schools have “vertical” Houses, others arrange their House structure “horizontally” in year groups; some are single-sex schools, some are co-educational schools
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with single or mixed gender houses; there are merits in each arrangement. Some schools have only members of the teaching staff as House Parents, some always have non- teaching staff as House Parents and others have a mixture. An important consideration in a school that offers day and
boarding might be how pupils and boarders integrate: some schools may have “Day Houses”. At Rendcomb, day pupils join their boarding counterparts first thing in the morning; they return to that house base throughout the day and finally for prep and pick up. So even a day pupil benefits from the provi- sion of full boarding. A good rule of thumb for parents looking at a school is to pick someone with whom you would feel able to have a difficult conversation if such an occasion ever arose. House Parents in schools will often be the first port of call and will be expected to make contact if some- thing has gone wrong; it is therefore important that you would be able to communicate effectively with your child’s House Parent. Between us, my wife, Kerri and I
have taught in single-sex full boarding schools and co-educational schools with varying types of boarding provision. We’ve been asked if there is any difference in board- ing a son or a daughter; there isn’t, the difference is simply in each child’s personal make-up. Parents have asked if there is more scope for boys to get into “scrapes” when boarding; from my experience, in the rare occasions when either gender of pupils make mistakes
it’s been at home in the holidays at parties. We’ve been asked if girls get more homesick. My wife was surprised by how quickly 11-year-old girls boarding for the first time at Heathfield (where she was Head of English) adapted to it. There are advantages to boarding for parents, too. They talk of an inten- sified closeness within the family when they regroup. Boarders have access to phones and email which ensures
that contact is not lost – it’s not like in my day when you could only make a phone call a week if you stood in line for long enough at the village phone box!
Roland Martin is Headmaster of Rendcomb College. Summer 2012 FirstEleven 15
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