C: Check in. “Turn it over to the other person and ask for their re- sponse. Inquire: ‘Is this possible? What do you think?’” All the while, stay curious about the other person’s perspective, sug- gests Harper. “We tend to see our- selves as the innocent victim, or we go into hero mode and tend to see the other person as the villain,” he says. “Of course, the other person is doing the same thing, and that makes col- laboration tough.” Instead, ask sincere questions—and really listen.


Agree to Disagree Terrie McCants, coordinator of the conflict resolution program at Kansas State University, notes that in some cases, especially when deeply held values such as politics or faith are involved, resolving conflict isn’t nec- essarily about reaching an agreement. “You cannot negotiate people’s values. Sometimes, these are things that people are willing to lie down and die for,” she says. “Instead, sometimes you might need to agree to disagree.” In the end, whether the conflict


is a minor disagreement at home, a workplace quarrel or a complicated political dispute, the process of properly working through it can leave both parties feeling stronger and improve their communities. “Conflict forces you to problem-solve collab- oratively and come up with options and elegant solutions,” she explains. “If handled well, it can add brilliant things to your life.” a


Lisa Shumate is a freelance writer in Boulder, CO.


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