We know The Local Herald gets posted all over the world, including Australia, so we can probably expect a bit of backlash. But who cares, it’s worth it.


Such Joy.


We have to go back almost a quarter of a century to find the last England team to beat the Aussies in an Ashes Test match in Australia. It was 1986 when Mike Gatting’s team demolished them 3 - 1 on their home turf. One Aussie reporter came out with the famous saying; “England can’t bat, can’t bowl, and can’t field.” Writing off the “Pomms,” before a bowl was bowled. He hadn’t reckoned on some heroic performances from a team which included: Ian Botham, Chris Broad, David Gower, Jack Richards, John Emburey, Graham Dilley and Gladstone Small. So, as The Aussies go off to lick their wounds, we couldn’t resist a little…. how do the call it? Sledging! What does the Australian cricket coach really do? Transport the team from the hotel to the ground. What do you call a world class Australian cricketer? Retired. What do you call an Australian cricketer with a 100 next to his name?


A bowler. 22.


Why can't Aussies get into their beer bottles any more? They don't have any decent openers. What do you call an Australian holding a champagne bottle? A waiter. What do you call an Aussie who’s capable with a bat ? ...A Vet. Why could Ricky Ponting never be a funeral director? He keeps losing the ashes. How bad is Autralia's batting? Well, they're thinking of moving Extras up to the middle order. Why don't Aussie fielders need inoculations? Because they hardly ever catch anything. What are Australian gripes? Something they make whines from. The Australian Bob Sleigh team have called a meeting with the Aussie Cricket team. They want to know how they can go downhill so fast.


The one that got away…….By Janet Stansfield. I’ve been absent from the Herald for a while due to computer failure, work commitments, holidays and not much fishing, but I thought I’d mark my return by telling readers about a rather special fishing trip towards the end of last year. It started off at a reasonable hour for a change...there are some reasons for liking the slightly darker mornings! At least I got chance for a bit of a lie-in before I was dragged kicking and screaming up to my club lake for a fishing session...I didn't want to go, honest....they MAKE me! (well, that's my excuse for neglecting the housework!) After several days of rain and wind the lake was surprisingly calm, although there was a bitter chill and frost on the ground. It took me about half an hour of walking round to make my mind up where I wanted to fish...was I going to go where I thought the fish would be, or should I go where I'd be in the sun and the warmth? Decisions, decisions! I particularly fancied my very favourite peg 6, but that was going to be totally in the shade and I really didn't want to shiver all day...in the end I opted for peg 8, mainly because it's the largest and I knew the sun would reach there eventually. Even with the rubber matting we've put down, the peg was still treacherous with a layer of frost, so I kept my chair well back from the water and laid my fishing towel on the peg so I had something to stand on safely whilst I got set up. Although I have built in buoyancy aids, I didn’t fancy taking an early dip in the chilly water! After eventually getting myself sorted, using my favourite Shimano telescopic rod, I was finally ready to make my first cast...I was pleased to see that my float was perfectly shotted (I know this peg like the back of my hand!) and it came to rest just at the side of the lilies as I'd planned. That's when it all went t**ts up! My float had no sooner settled than it was away, skiting sideways...my reel clutch was set fine, but there was absolutely nowt I could do as some beastie gave me the runaround and snapped my hooklink. Pah! Whatever it was, there was no stopping it... There was nothing for it but to tackle up again and grin and bear it, only to have it happen a second time in quick succession! This wasn't good....I checked my tackle, and my mainline was fine...I played the fish for several minutes before it made a final lunge for freedom...it seemed to be tiring and I had it in clear water, but a sudden lunge for the lilies was all it needed to snap me...gutted doesn't begin to describe the way I felt! I knew that because of the chill it was going to be a slow day, but to lose two good fish right at the start was a bit of a downer to say the least... Oh well...onwards and upwards... I'm pleased to say that the next time my float went under, I was ready for it...WOW! I had a perch...all three inches of it! No complaints from me though, as perch are my favourites. There have been a few big specimens seen cruising in small shoals on the lake, but nobody has ever managed to land one of these...until today...but you'll have to read on for that! That was closely followed by a rather nice rudd, in absolutely pristine condition. Only about 1/2 lb, if that, but very welcome all the same. Let's face it, on a day like today, any fish would be good! This is a lovely lake, but not the place to come if you're after huge carp or specimen fish. We do have some biggies, but they are the stuff of legends...we know they're in here, but their visits to the bank are pretty rare...until today…! After another smallish perch and a decent rudd, I decided to knock the fishing on the head and spend the rest of the day wandering round with my camera instead. I was too cold and uncomfortable, the fish weren't biting and I've long since decided that I stop fishing when I can't feel my extremities. It's supposed to be fun, not an endurance test. I get almost as much pleasure watching other people fishing and catching than I do myself... Suddenly I heard a shout from Ashley's peg that he had a fish on...and what a fish...it’s in the net! What the heck is it? A perch, that’s what! A new lake record and an amazing fish for our lake, weighing in at 1lb 12oz, it really is a fish to remember! Every angler on the lake came to have a look before it was safely released. Someone really ought to tell him it’s not the done thing for an angler to smile for a photo! I'd been fishing worms and maggots all day in the hope of a perch and then he goes and gets this? I wonder why I bother! It’s nice to be back………………… Tight Lines..


Janet.


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