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DELMER & CECIL DELMER AND CECIL


Gidday lads Gidday, this is your ol’ friends Delmer


& Cecil. We’ve received a lot of letters and emails from a whole lot of people. In fact, it was hard narrowing it down to a manageable amount, but after several in-depth meetings in our favourite tavern we’re ready to hit the “Good Advice Trail” once again!


Letter #1 Dear Delmer and Cecil. I don’t seem to have much luck with the ladies. I bought a satin shirt and had my pants tightened and also got my hair styled at “Edna’s Unisex Salon” in Cobden. So far I’ve been turned down by forty-eight different girls, I’m starting to get a complex.


Signed Desperate


Dear Desperate Yes, chronic diarrhea is an ever


increasing problem these days. What we refer to as “The Green Apple Quickstep” can put a damper on a date in a hurry . Just don’t eat for five days before the big event. If that doesn’t work use a #5 cork and have it professionally installed by a qualified technician. Good Luck!! P.S get the same technician to remove it after the occasion. unless it’s hunting season, the #5 cork is usually accurate from 150 to 200 yards (I don’t use meters, it’s just a pain in the ass cooked up by that troublemaker Napoleon.


Email # 23 I’ve got no idea, we don’t have a


computer! 40 BOUNDER MAGAZINE www.bounder.ca


Letter # 46 Have youse lads ever thought of entering


politics? Signed D. McGuinty


Dear D. I think that wanting to be a politician


is a genetic defect! Remember back in school it was always the same jerks running for head of student council or head boy/ girl. From public school to junior school to university it was always the same wastes of space trying to get elected to something. It was as if getting elected validated their puny existence (there’s truth to that -- if they weren’t elected they’d be as significant as weasel spit in the woods). Most of these phony birdbrains never had a real job in their lives. But, if there’s a protest or public demonstration somewhere, especially if there’s a camera involved,….they’ll be there like a hair on a grilled cheese.


Letter # 12 Dear Cecil, Enclosed are the pics of


Delmer with the garter belt taken at Tut Cuddy’s barn last Tuesday*=%#^ sorry, how did that slip in there??


Well, that’s it for another edition of


Bounder’s advice column (we haven’t gotten paid for the first one yet (cheap bastard).


Yours in Eternal Bliss, Delmer.


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