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sonal experiences of important passages in their lives. Email your First Person story to: Editor@
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ord document. There is no length limit, however; all submissions are subject to editing. Authors names will be withheld upon request.
T he Sounds of Silence By Dawn Smith - Camacho
The first time I decided to devote myself to spending an hour a day in silence for seven days, I succeeded. For the first day. I felt an extraordinary sense of power as I conducted the exercise. For such a simplistic task, I was amazed at the reverberations—the hour lasted a long time, and my head felt tingly as I processed how to interact with my world without speaking. I felt high. But the very next day, and for ten days after, I somehow found myself sucked back in to the murkiness of daily communication—overflowing email boxes, multi-task- ing cell phone calls, rambling chatter. It was ten days until I could bring myself to try again.
When I did try again, I decided I “lost” at my little game at the six minute mark upon calling, “No!” to my baby boy as he fed the cat his slice of turkey.
This morning, I succeeded again. The hour went quickly this time. After the initial minutes, I found myself swim- ming in the power—knowing I wouldn’t be yelling, couldn’t check my email, needn’t answer my phone—for one hour. “Be still,” I understood from the chapter I’m now reading in a book offering modern interpretations of the Ten Commandments. The third commandment, the author explains, which commands us not to use God’s name in vain, can be seen in many ways. If I’m not screaming and swearing then, in the stillness, I can’t make promises I can’t keep, I can’t use anyone’s name in vain, I can’t act holier than thou, and I can’t be too
rigid or nasty with those I love. How resonant for me right now as it is primarily with my baby boy that I have been struggling to find alternatives to “NO” and “STOP” and, of course, “AUGHRHH”. How can I react this way to one who exemplifies the essence of “God” to me? When, in a lecture on Native American spirituality, I heard the term “Mother Father God”, the explanation rang deeply in my core. I had always though this term referred to the idea that God can be perceived as a male or female entity. But in this context it was being used to convey that each of us is a creation of our mother, our father, and God. And having my baby before me, I can testify to the divine essence that definitely comes in no direct form from either his father nor I.
If I take the time to think before I speak, I can be more authentic, more honest in my voice. Or perhaps choose not to speak at all. Throughout the past month, while I haven’t spent an hour a day in silence, I have been significantly more conscious of my interactions with others. Perhaps coincidentally, my husband recently brought up that often, when he comes to me to discuss something, I agree readily, “right after I show you/tell you/offer you this.” Now, I am much more conscious to hear him in the moment, to be present for him, to listen. I have gone with his decisions without always needing to have input every step of the way.
I have been working on developing stillness even within
my own mind. When I find my head spinning with the tasks remaining, I repeat inside, “This doesn’t need your attention right now.” Each moment is an opportunity to hear the beauty that surrounds me, to welcome it in.
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