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F e a t u r e s


OUTBURST


from Mrs H Can you hear me dear?


M


rs H’s experience of those long distance phonecalls.


The phrase ‘out of sight, out of mind’ springs up regularly in our household during detachments. It’s not uncommon for the phone to stay silent for five days at a time (and no, that’s not always because he’s deployed somewhere nasty). And then, when he does phone, you can guarantee it’s while you’re upstairs pouring the bath for Junior and you miss the call.


It’s amazing that the phone line suddenly becomes active when he realises there’s an urgent need to reply to an invite for a beercall.


Why is it that you’ve got so much you want or need to say, but you end up wittering on about the MOT or the dripping tap upstairs, then put the phone down and remember what you really meant to say?


It’s 1.30am in the morning, and you’ve finally got a crying child back to sleep. You therefore may not be in the best frame of mind to receive the “I really love you” phonecall. He keeps his watch on


18 Summer 2010


GMT, so how come he can’t work out the time difference?


In between the detachments to nasty places, the odd bit of luck comes his way and he ends up somewhere lovely. Now we, left at home, are very pleased that he’s not in the desert getting shot at, but there’s a limit to your generosity. So, while I’m hanging the washing out on a windy day in November, I don’t appreciate the following: “Hello darling,. Yes, it’s boiling hot here... I’m downtown San Diego doing a bit of shopping....Yes, the shops are amazing... and I had a great idea.....would you like a new frying pan?”


Anyone know a good divorce lawyer?


Similarly, children don’t understand that daddy is away and having a nice time.... without them. So, when daddy sends a lovely photo of himself cuddling a leopard cub in a wildlife park in Kenya, it’s greeted by Junior with a penetrating “Waaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh! I WANT TO CUDDLE THE LEOPARD, WHY CAN’T I MUMMY?? Waaaaahhhhhh!!! Etc etc. Lovely!


Talking of children, they can be relied on to let you down at this most significant of moments. You don’t want to labour the point that daddy is in Afghanistan and doesn’t get many opportunities to phone, “So please say something nice”. This can vary between a point blank refusal to speak, monosyllabic answers (I wonder where he gets that from) or a gush of fascinating information about the dead worm stuck to his shoe or how nasty mummy is because she wouldn’t fork out for an ice-cream. Still, at least it makes him feel that life goes on as normal...


On the last detachment, no phonecard was forthcoming, because ‘according to the paperwork, you’re not here’. “No, I just happened to be passing and Afghanistan is supposed to be nice at this time of year“.


It makes you think though, of how previous generations managed for months without word from their loved ones during the wars of the last century. I guess I don’t have that much to complain about (but I will anyway).


Rant over! www.raf-ff.org.uk


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