F e a t u r e s T
The Day We Met
he following is the account by serving adoptive father on the day he and his wife met their future son.
It’s been about five years since Julie and I started this process of Adoption; we have met many social workers, talked to many people, laughed, cried, explored many areas of an adoptive child’s life and that of the adoptive parents that become their mums and dads.
Up until now we have been making good progress, albeit slowly. We have pictures and an immense amount of information about Peter, we have met all the people that have been involved with him since his birth and we have a panel date for matching, but like the rest of our route to becoming adoptive parents, it has not been easy to stay positive. However, Julie and I have managed to give each other the strength to face whatever was placed in our paths and our desire to succeed as adoptive parents has not faltered.
It was when Maggie telephoned to let us know that we were to meet Peter at 10am that Wednesday did I start to think some very
different thoughts. Thoughts that I had without doubt addressed during this process but which were possibly not at the forefront of my mind. The first meeting of a matched child. Will it be love at first sight? What will I do? What will they do? What should I say? Ahhhhh!
Without doubt Bridget, our social worker has, in my mind prepared us for every possible thing that we may face, but she didn’t prepare me for what I will now try to explain in this reflection – thanks Bridget.
I had given much thought to a film that I watched with Julie about the life of adoptive parents, which had shown an account of a lady that explained her feelings on meeting her adoptive child and her worry that she would not love her or not feel anything. I am normally a reserved and very calm person and I can deal with most situations. However, the drive to Jane and Paul’s was filled with moments of excitement alongside a very strange but calm ‘What Do I Do?’ panic, feelings that I am normally unaccustomed too. We pulled up to the house and got out of the car and looked at each other with an odd expression on our faces and whilst I can only
speak for myself, a real school boy excitement in the very bottom of my stomach and the need to walk faster to the house.
Funnily, when we knocked on the door and went in, it all happened real quick; it might be my imagination, but the time from taking off my shoes to moving through the house and looking round the corner to see Peter was almost as if Superman himself had moved me that distance and light speed had plonked me down in front of our future son. WOW!
I later looked this word up in the dictionary and this is what I found: An indication of excitement or surprise. Wow! Can I have him now, Pleeeese? An expression of amazement or awe. Wow! Look, Look, Look, Loooook!
I can only explain my feelings as ‘melted’. There was no shock, no worry, it was as if the final piece of a puzzle had just been given to me and all I had to do was reach out and take it and then everything would be complete. I can not believe that one wee lad like Peter can have so much expression, so much conversational ability without saying a word. He looked at me and I looked at him and I knew that this was a match that was completely right. I was not prepared for that, I was not prepared for the feeling of belonging to one another that I was experiencing in that room looking at Peter.
I sat back for a while, whilst Julie sat on the floor. I knew Peter needed time and I needed time too – a ‘man thing’, just to survey what was happening and what our next moves would be. I know Peter is only 23 months old, but these instincts in men start early! He watched me and I looked back at him and it was like we were surveying the situation before making our next move. All the while Julie was sitting and it was so heart-warming to see her face full of joy and warmth.
Alison and Jock Fitzsimmonds adopted Laura and Jonathan in 06 12 Summer 2010
We played for a while. Peter would roll cars down the table and I would pick them up and hand them to him, hoping for a small touch from his little fingers as he scraped the cars up from my hand. All the while you could see his interest growing in Julie and me. It was truly amazing to watch him. I was fixated by
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