THE ADMIRAL
Ruing The Small-Screen Intrusion
“A world cruise is time set loose, unmeasured, and immoderate. The sensual rapture of sheer slowness frees the psyche like an aphrodisiac as an abundance of images overspill into life.” These incisive words recently appeared in this eminent publication during a review of the existential world that belongs to the annual circumnavigation undertaken annually by a handful of vessels.
So it was with excitement that this risqué raconteur sat down in front of his widescreen in Admiral Towers this summer to watch the six-part BBC2 fly-on-the-wall documentary ‘The Cruise: A Life at Sea.’
Rather than an absorbing docu-drama of the well-heeled flirting with shipboard life as they glob-trotted around our watery planet, I was treated to a quixotic vision of middle England aboard Fred Olsen Cruise Lines’ Balmoral as seen through the eyes of the ship’s chaplain, Reverend Colin Still.
With a captive cast of 1,700 passengers and crew, there was more than a whiff of Sanatogen and the creak of rheumatic joints as this 112-day voyage progressed around the world. In terms of gripping viewing, it was less hip, more hip-replacement.
The day-to-day life of this ‘mature’ cargo was narrated with an amusing blend of saccharine prose and incipient cynicism as the ship visited 33 ports of call. The accompanying cast of protagonists displayed a varying degree of familiarity with their peripatetic padre.
Facebook frenzy
Many facets of the Anglican Reverend’s spiritual ministrations were too confidential to be shown but we did witness him renewing vows and discussing the onset of dementia and scoliosis with an elderly couple who had only recently met aboard another Fred Olsen cruise.
It was poignant that after this particular programme, viewers were advised of a helpline for those similarly affected. All credit should go to the producers, who opted to show the ‘code alpha’ medical alert that came over the ship’s tannoy during the cleric’s Valentine Day service. Sadly, intercession from this man of the cloth couldn’t save the passenger from her appointment with Saint Peter.
This dyspeptic view of life aboard Balmoral did little to dispel the folklore that a world cruise masquerades as ‘God’s Waiting Room.’ For the past decade or more, cruise companies have gone to great lengths to endorse the fact that cruising – even a pan-global odyssey – now appeals to a younger demographic.
Following the first episode of the programme, a message was posted on Fred Olsen’s Facebook page stating: “It is important to note the focus of ‘The Cruise: A Life at Sea’ series is the chaplain.” Since then, the social media site has been filled with messages from people who said their cruise experiences had been nothing like those depicted on the show.
However, on the Cruise Critic message forum, a post said the documentary “confirms all my preconceptions about Fred Olsen: a floating care home.”
Mustering all his composure, the stolid Admiral rails against today’s received wisdom that “there’s no such thing as bad publicity.”
Cruise News
Star Clippers Add Cuba T
all ship cruise specialist STAR CLIPPERS has announced new ports, new destinations and new itineraries for 2014, including Star Flyer operating a maiden season in Cuba. The summer includes a season sailing from Palma de
Mallorca for the first time, while new ports of call for the Mediterranean include Porto and the Scandolo Nature Reserve in Corsica, and La Sabina in Formentera. Another brand new itinerary has been introduced for the 2014-15 Caribbean season, with Royal Clipper featuring a leisurely two weeks sailing the southern Caribbean and skimming the coast of South America on a one-off voyage to Venezuela and the Dutch Caribbean. In addition to new destinations and routes, there is more variation in length of cruise than ever before, from a three-night taster from Venice to a 21-night transatlantic crossing on Royal Clipper from Barbados to Rome.
Highlights for 2014 include: • NEW destination, Cuba, on Star Flyer for February 2014 • NEW Caribbean itineraries from Panama to Cuba and Cuba to St Maarten in 2014
• NEW itinerary taking in the Monaco Grand Prix in May 2014 • NEW departure port for summer 2014, Palma de Mallorca • NEW sailing area in Corsica for 2014, visiting the remote Scandola Nature Reserve
• NEW ports of call in Venezuela and the Caribbean in 2015 • Up to 20 per cent early booking discount on certain itineraries
• And a 5 per cent discount for Star Clippers repeat passengers
More info: call 0845 200 6145 or visit
www.starclippers.co.uk.
12 WORLD OF CRUISING I Autumn 2013
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