The next phase: Caring for elderly relatives
Of all the stages of life, arguably having to look after elderly parents (or other relatives) is one of the hardest, and certainly one of the least widely discussed. However, for many people there will come a point where it becomes increasingly clear that your relative can’t continue to live on their own without help. It’s a depressing realisation that may bring with it fears and anxieties, as well as the knowledge that your roles are changing forever.
Of course, the first instinct is often to try to maintain the status quo – to allow mum or dad to continue to live as they always did.
This may work very well with your help for quite a long time, but often it simply isn’t sustainable. Perhaps the relative needs more time than have. Or it may be the case that they need specialist attention, you simply are not trained to provide. It’s important to understand that, however awful this is, it’s not your fault and is a situation that many people need to deal with.
Perhaps one of the most helpful pieces of advice is to keep talking. There is a temptation to clam up when things get tough and not to complain about them, however, this won’t help. Speak to your relative and try to work out a solution between you. Although don’t rush them, it will be just as painful to come to terms with these changes for
them as it is for you. Speak to the rest of your family so they understand what’s going on.
Then talk to as many professionals who can help you as possible. These may include the social services department of your council and staff at residential care homes.
54 | Clyde Life – September/October 2013
@clydelifemag
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