Most parents are aware of the hormonal changes taking place in their teenage children but you may not be aware of changes that are taking place in their brains. Some of the ‘brain pruning’ that is taking place means that it is very diffi cult for teens to recognise and understand the subtle facial expressions you use. I will talk more about this on the NLP for
parents day, but for now It’s important to be explicit about what you may assume is implicit. For example your ‘concerned face’ may be read by your teen as your ‘angry face’. When you are worried about your teen, say ‘I am looking at you like this because I am concerned about you’. This way it helps your teen to re-learn to read facial expressions.
Parent Tip 8 Respect their space.
If at all possible keep out of your teen’s bedroom. As they grow up it's important that the teens feel they have somewhere that is their own territory. Your visit to their bedroom to collect dirty dishes and laundry will be taken as a major infringement of civil liberties.
Negotiate under what circumstance and when you will enter their room without their permission and at all other times knock or ask before entering. If necessary put a sign up saying ‘abandon all hope ye who enter here’ and leave the cleaning until they leave home unless it becomes a major health hazard.
Teen Tip 8 Take care of your own space.
You will increasingly feel the need for privacy and your own space, where you control the music and activity. Your parents may take some time to adjust to this as they are used to your room being part of their house. The best way to make sure it is your space is to look after it. This doesn’t mean you have to spend
hours cleaning but it really helps if you take your own dishes to the kitchen and put your laundry in the basket. This way your parents have no excuse to invade your privacy.
When your parents are not smiling at you it doesn’t necessarily mean that they are mad at you! You may think that the only response they have to you is to be cross, but sometimes they appear cross because they are worried about you or want to talk seriously to you. You may not want to hear what they
have to say but it is important to do your best to listen carefully to what they say and then have your say. If necessary take a time out and go away and think about what you want to say in response to them rather than resort to ‘you are so unfair’!
Kate’s General Advice: "Like the rest of life, you're going through
something with those around you that's new, unexplored and potentially really exciting. It will have its ups and downs, but remember that flexibility and engaging with what's going on around you can really make a massive difference. The reality is, the power is in your hands to make this fun, rewarding and exciting through the choices you make. But my number one word of advice is a simple one: Smile. When you do that you start to take yourself lightly and enjoy the ride."
- Kate Benson Director of Education for the Society of NLP.