BUSINESS RESOURCES + TOOLS BARE BONES BIZ
The feather or the brick? M
BY ELLEN ROHR CONTRIBUTING WRITER
y buddy, Marlene Chism, has a new book out entitled, “Stop Workplace Drama.” She demystifies drama and helps you eradicate it from
your life. Marlene understands that the only one you can change is yourself and that, once you change, everything changes. Marlene was sharing her philosophy on my radio show,
www.blogtalkradio.com/barebonesbiz, recently. A woman called in and launched into a drama-filled story of how she was helping her husband find a job. I interrupted and asked,
“Why isn’t your husband on the phone? Why are you representing him?” The caller clammed up. Marlene had the good sense to validate her concerns and
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to ask a few more questions. Our caller opened up again, and Marlene was able to present great insights and options. I was using a brick to communicate. Marlene got better results with a feather. As a consultant, a teacher, I wonder what it will take to
get through to my clients. They reach in my direction, and sometimes they drink up what I have to offer like a thirsty pup. At other times, I encounter resistance and frustration. What approach will work? I know that the same approach won’t work for everyone. As a student, I wonder, “What is it that causes the light
bulb to go on for me? Why do I make changes? How do I learn?” What motivates you? Your team? Motivation is what
causes us to take action. What motivates you is different from what motivates anyone else, though there are some commonalities. A tool for “mapping” motivations is the Flag Page. Check it out at
www.flagpagetest.com. (Note: if you are familiar with DiSC, you will find some parallels in this process.) This simple questionnaire asks you to define what’s great
about you so that you can share it with others. You create your own flag, and identify your “home country”— Control, Peace, Perfect or Fun. You’ll also nail down the words and traits that are most important to you. If you learn that someone is motivated by fun, you can present information in an engaging way. If you know someone likes to be in control, you can let that person take charge of a training session. Now, you can learn about motivations and learning styles
and teaching techniques, and your efforts may still fall on deaf ears. Could be the timing, the message, the reward or consequence, or the relationship struggles people are dealing with at home. You can control what you do and you can improve as a teacher. However, you can’t make someone learn. When the student is ready, the teacher appears. If the student isn’t ready, well, the teacher may hit a brick wall. This applies to you too. Sometimes the reward is so
enticing that you’ll do anything to get it. Bring on the feather. Sometimes the pain gets so great that you will do anything to make it stop. Be grateful for the brick.
“The Upside of Fear” After being convicted of armed robbery, Weldon “Wally”
Long spent 12 years in prison. Wally had access to education, counselors, programs and services that would
help him get clean and productive and transition out of the system when he wrapped his sentence. When he was released on probation, he rejected all offered help. He continued to drink and use drugs. He committed increasingly violent crimes. He blamed everyone else for his sad, sorry life. In spite of multiple “lucky” breaks, he worked his way back to prison. One lonely night in his cell, Wally had an epiphany.
He realized that everything that he feared had come to pass. He was afraid of becoming addicted, and he became an alcoholic/addict. He was afraid of getting arrested and convicted, and he wound up in prison. He was afraid of being a poor parent, and he abandoned his young son. He decided then that he would focus on his hopes instead of on his fears. Today, Wally is a free man and a successful HVAC
contractor in Colorado. He’s a speaker and trainer, sharing his message of hope and positive thinking and action. Best of all, he has a wife he loves, and his son now lives with them. Perhaps Wally needed the brick of prison, the threat of a
lifetime behind bars. The feather didn’t seem to have an effect on him. He had his share of great opportunities, and he squandered them. When he was ready for things to be different, everything changed. He started to act with integrity and honor. He read books filled with positive messages, books by Wayne Dyer, Stephen Covey, Anthony Robbins, Dale Carnegie, and tuned into what he wanted, not what he didn’t want. Once he changed, everything changed for him. Wally, author of “The Upside of Fear,” will be my radio guest on June 14.
Thick as a … Throughout my life, I’ve had many great mentors. Some
taught with metaphor. Some encouraged me with praise. Some shared their failures as cautionary tales. These are Feathers. A few lobbed bricks. When I was 23, I got fired from a
job I loved because I pushed the fence, and my boss made an example of me. It was the best thing that could have happened to me. A year later, I went back, hat in hand, and applied for the job again. I got it and became a star performer. When I first contacted industry icon Frank Blau, I asked
him to help me fix the mess I had made of our contracting company. He agreed, and I rejected his instruction. I told him that what he was suggesting wouldn’t work for me. He told me that I had my head, um, you know where. After my boiling blood cooled, I realized he was right. Humbled, I allowed him to lay on the lessons, and I learned how to make money. I seem to need a brick now and then. And I am happy to
use one with my clients. Sometimes, however, I’m better served by wielding a feather. What about you? What motivates you and causes you to change and engage in new action? What moves your employees to learn a new and better way? What can you do to help others improve their skills, their performance and their lives? Feather or brick? If one doesn’t work, try the other. l
phc may 2011
www.phcnews.com
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