What advice would you give to others wanting to come out about their sexuality? Be who you are and don’t live a lie, because the only person you are lying to is yourself. Plus don’t listen to folks who say you can’t be a true African and be gay. That’s a load of rubbish. You can still follow your tradition, culture and customs while flying the gay and African flag simultaneously. Be proud of who you are and lead by example!


Naechane Valentino (right) & Rebekah Connage (left)


Status: Single Nationality: Brazilian-Guyanese and British-Jamaican


How does it feel to be a man? Naechane: I am from South America – half Guyanese and half Brazilian – but I grew up in New York for a while before I came to London. I have been out for about 15 years, but in South America the gay community does not exist so I could not come out and live as a lesbian. But now I am a registered transgender


male. I have had a full sex change and that has been going on for the last 2½ years. I have injections of testosterone every month at a gender identify clinic. This has also changed the tone of my voice from being too feminine, however, I do train my voice to be a certain pitch as I am a singer and a rapper and I have to keep my music going.


Do you miss being a female? I don’t miss being a girl, but I do miss a clean bathroom and clean toilets, as men’s toilets are reeking and it’s annoying. I knew I was gay since around the age of four. Growing up in South America it was difficult because I was not able to say anything, in fact words like gay, lesbian were not in my vocabulary.


What made you have the operation? It was a major decision to have the operation. I lost friends and family along the way. But at the end of the day it does not matter. I lost my mum three years ago who was the most important person in my life. I used to speak to her about my sexuality and she was fine, and was not surprised at all when I told her that I was going through the changes because growing up I hated being a girl. I no longer have breasts and my menstrual cycle has


stopped which was the pain of my life. I do not have a penis but I use a strap. I have always used a strap even before I became transgender because when I have an orgasm I would feel as if I was a man.


What does it mean to be black and gay? Rebekah: I come from a Jamaican background and I have been out for about two years. I have had a few challenges because some people have had a hard time accepting who I am, especially because I work as a security officer. At first people do not realise that I’m a woman and once they do they seem to switch because they feel embarrassed that I have reprimanded


them. This always makes me laugh because it goes to show you how sexist society is. But I don’t let others get in my way, especially because my mum loves me and she accepts me as her daughter. She is proud of me because of who I am; she is happy, she says I am not doing crack or a criminal. Because I’m a masculine I go for feminine woman. I do not


like other boyish-looking girls because there is always a power struggle. I love to dress like a male and I have always hated dresses,


skirts and tights. As to what underwear I wear, I wear boxers and not knickers. My ladies wear knickers!


Cyril Nri


Status: Single Nationality: Nigerian


What does it mean to be black and gay? The black gay community is huge and we cannot run away or hide from it. Whether you like it or not at least 10% of the world is gay and this figure is growing daily. As an older person, I have seen the changes within the gay scene over the last decade change rapidly, which have


mainly been positive. However, there are still a lot of people, particularly the church community, mainly in America Bible-belt communities, who are still stirring up things and making things an issue, especially when they come to Africa preaching their hatred. The Christian and Muslim communities have made it very hard


for the black gay communities to be free because our culture is very much ingrained in religion. In order for us to progress like the rest of the gay community around the world we have to let go of the old values that the Bible and Qur’an has taught us, because society has evolved so much yet we –Africans – are living in an old world, which keeps us backwards.


How have your family and friends accepted you? My Nigerian family who are near and dear to me know about my sexuality and have accepted me. For those who object I tell them it is nobody’s business apart from those who I invite into my bedroom. However, for those who are still concerned or worried about what is going on in my life – I would say they are missing something in their own life or denying something about their own sexuality... hmmmmmm.


What needs to change within the African community? The changes need to start within the home. There are still countless black family members who are so ashamed of their sons’/daughters’ sexuality that they chose to cut them off and disown them, which is terrible! Many black parents need to learn unconditional love, which


means you love your children no matter what and support their physiological and emotional needs. I have often heard people say that they would rather their children be in jail for murder than be gay, which is ridiculous. Being gay is not bad, sinful or criminal. It’s just another expression of love.


WINTER 2012 | NEW AFRICAN WOMAN | 75


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