Murphy’s Law
Golf Games You Need to Know
I
n a PayPal world, the fading sight of real, green, cold, hard American cash has one last permanent home. The golf course. Your Andrew Jacksons, your Abe
Lincolns, your George Washingtons: Dead presidents are granted eternal life in the form of payment for that most permanent of golf fixtures, the competitive golf game for money. “Should we get a game going?”
can be words tossed out in forms both friendly and innocuous, from good pals on a Saturday morning; or in forms both competitive and blood-thirsty, low handicappers sizing each other up like drag racers revving engines on a desert highway. Let’s go through a refresher of some
of the golf games you need to know: THE NASSAU—The most
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basic of golf games. A Nassau means you will compete
on the front nine, the back nine and the overall 18, in match play format. A $5 Nassau, for example, means $5 for the front, $5 for the back and $5 overall. You could win $15, lose $15, win $5, lose $5 or have, in the case of an all-square match, the anti-Taranti- no: “No blood.” You need to know the Nassau
format, in the same way that my Dad once told me as a college student: “Bri, you need a blue blazer. The blue blazer is the foundation of a young man’s wardrobe.” The Nassau is the blue blazer of golf games.
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Nassau, a game of “Dots” can be fun, and is not to be confused with the
DOTS—A companion to the 72 /
NCGA.ORG / FALL 2015
confoundingly molar-clogging movie- theatre candy of the same name. Dots are frequently trafficked in $1 install- ments, making them relatively pain- less. The theory is simple: A birdie is a Dot. A Sandy (up and down from any bunker) is a Dot. A Greenie (hitting a par 3 in regulation, and then two- putting) is a Dot. And there are carry- over Dots, too. If no player achieves a Greenie on the first par 3, there are two Dots available at the next. Even more fun, if a player achieves
a Dot, you signify it by placing an actual Dot on the scorecard, which brings us all back to elementary school. And who doesn’t miss the in- nocence of elementary school?
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far, and don’t know how to play a game of Skins, you’ve probably picked up the wrong magazine. + + +
SKINS—If you are reading this
a Skins Game. This was taught to me 15 years ago by my old SFPD buddies Tommy and Jack, who installed the rule that if a player wins a skin on the hole, he can’t officially win it unless he claims it with a par or better on the next hole.
MAN SKINS—A variation on This is Big Boy stuff for us high-
handicappers, hence the name “Man Skins.” In today’s politically correct society, however, I wonder if Tommy and Jack had to alter the name, lest they offend someone. Maybe “High Proficiency Skins?” Doesn’t have the same ring.
+ + + intensely competitive. WOLF—This appeals to the
In Wolf, a foursome tees off. The last to tee off is the Wolf. It alternates each hole. The Wolf decides, after seeing each tee shot, which player he will or will not take as his partner in a net better-ball competition. Or, the Wolf, sniffing at each of the preced- ing tee shots, can declare he’s going it alone, a Lone Wolf, if you will, for double the stakes. This is humanity at its most basic,
Karl Marx’s “It Takes a Village” theory of golf vs. Adam Smith’s free market on the links. Do you want to team up with someone else to climb the moun- tain? Are you your brother’s keeper? Or do you believe in rugged individu- alism, that it is your manifest destiny to win the hole on your own? Are you a red state, or a blue state? Fore!
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are not promoting Satanism on the golf course. Instead, 6-6-6 is my favorite golf
6–6–6—Don’t freak out. We
game, because it combines both the competitive nature of a good match, and the bonhomie of playing with friends. In 6-6-6, you simply play three matches of six holes each, changing partners every six holes. You get to play with everyone in your foursome, and you still try to gouge each other for real cash and hard-core woofing rights. The diversity in your playing
partners can promote theatre. You can be jolted with energy in a pairing with your best pal. You can learn to work with a guy you never really liked, in a six-hole alliance for a greater cause. You can roast partners you just had six holes ago with well-timed needles. You can look forward to the 7th or 13th hole, because you know you can shed the dead weight you are currently saddled with. Best part is, you get to retire to the 19th hole after all of these games, order a cold one and start parsing through the cash, smiling all the while.
BRIAN MURPHY hosts the KNBR morning show “Murph and Mac” and was the San Francisco Chronicle’s golf writer from 2001-04.
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