Step Two: Relabel Instead of being led down a thorny patch lined with terrible impossibilities and accusations, we might steel ourselves to remain calm, get some distance or take our thoughts with a grain of salt. Relabeling begins with noticing a familiar ring to a child’s thoughts and distress; like us, they can also learn to recognize when “Mr. Negative” appears. Ten they’re better prepared for discussion. As parents, when we learn to predict, “Yep, I knew my negative thinking was going to jump to that conclusion,” we can decide to choose other interpretations.
Step Tree: Specify
What Went Wrong Don’t be tempted to try to solve the huge problem initially presented, such as, “I hate my life, everything is terrible, I can’t do anything right.” Te goal is actually much smaller, so teach a child to shrink it by narrowing down from some global form to the specific offending thought or situation that needs to be addressed. With young children, frame this approach as doing detective work to locate the source of the
problem; with older children, explain that it’s usually a triggering event that makes us feel really bad—the straw that broke the camel’s back. It’s key to helping them know what to do to feel better.
Step Four: Optimize and Rewire
When a child is thinking negatively, their thoughts stall, their strengths and resources lock up, and their energy, motivation and hopefulness are drained. Try different settings or perspectives on the specific problem the child has identified and choose the version or interpretation that works best for them, one that is the least damaging, most accurate and gets their system moving in a new direction.
Step Five: Mobilize to Be the Change When we can’t think our way out of a mood, we can move ourselves out of it. Like picking up the needle on a skipping record and putting it down elsewhere, doing something active helps the brain engage in something enjoyable until our nervous system recovers. Toughts, like a
windup toy with its wheels against a wall, can keep spinning fruitlessly in place until manually turned in a new direction. Redirecting differs from distracting
ourself from negative thoughts. Distractions play hide-and-seek with negativity; eventually, it will find us again. The master plan in caring for a child calls for us to first dismantle the power of whatever perspective is bullying them, correctly value ideas and then focus on what matters most. Whether we’re accepting or dismissing thoughts that suggest themselves, either way, we’re the boss because thoughts have only the power we give them and we are equipped to let them float on by or to amend, correct or replace them.
Psychologist Tamar Chansky, Ph.D., is the founder and director of the Children’s and Adult Center for OCD and Anxiety, in Plymouth Meeting, PA. Her many books include Freeing Your Child from Negative Tinking. For more information, visit
TamarChansky.com.
March 2018
25
Page 1 |
Page 2 |
Page 3 |
Page 4 |
Page 5 |
Page 6 |
Page 7 |
Page 8 |
Page 9 |
Page 10 |
Page 11 |
Page 12 |
Page 13 |
Page 14 |
Page 15 |
Page 16 |
Page 17 |
Page 18 |
Page 19 |
Page 20 |
Page 21 |
Page 22 |
Page 23 |
Page 24 |
Page 25 |
Page 26 |
Page 27 |
Page 28 |
Page 29 |
Page 30 |
Page 31 |
Page 32 |
Page 33 |
Page 34 |
Page 35 |
Page 36 |
Page 37 |
Page 38 |
Page 39 |
Page 40
