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Finding Self-Love by Ramona Crabtree-Falkner


where I was introduced to concepts of how to choose another way. It was a lot to digest. One day in CODA, we began


a discussion on being “selfish” and, of course, my dialogue went to my known behavior. I always thought that being selfish was bad. However, in this meeting we were discussed and explored why being selfish is good—and ultimately an act of “self-love.” This enlightening concept (of goodness toward selfishness) took me some time to figure out. Now I know, it’s okay that I was that


G


rowing up I don’t remember any conversation about loving myself, and I sure did have an opinion of


myself that was less than loving. My inner dialogue was oſt en demeaning. T e things I’d say to myself were harmful, and I didn’t even think about this reality until a dear friend looked at me and said, “You just don’t love yourself.” I demanded that this was not true, and with crocodile tears fl owing, I begged and pleaded my friend to see things my way.


However, I realized my friend was


right. T at experience was the awakening to the reality of my co-dependent behavior. T e idea of co-dependency was mind-blowing because I realized how little I thought of myself, and how I relied on other people’s opinions and thoughts to decide my value. Getting someone’s approval was the basis of why I chose to do this or that. I started attending CODA (Co-Dependence Anonymous) meetings,


girl in my earlier years. I am now who I am because I was her. When I make decisions that are in my best interest (and not tempered by making someone else happy or trying to manipulate another), that is self-love. My self-love practice is just that—a


practice I have to make every time I feel the pain of co-dependence. Do I have it all worked out and never fail? No! I find myself struggling at times, but I move with as much ease and love as I can. I know that even those difficult


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