OFFHIRE
Roy reverts to type, when a dim customer and his site agent cause more trouble than they’re worth. ‘Twas ever thus, unfortunately, although it’s nothing that a good hiding wouldn’t sort out…
4 BY 3 OR 4 BY 2? T
hose of you that read my waffle will know by now that I don’t suffer fools gladly. I am the archetypal
Yorkshireman who calls a spade ‘a bloody shovel’ and I have the kind of face that directly reflects the thoughts running through my mind.
This week, we have been pushed to the limit by a knuckle-dragging goon, who thinks he’s higher on the evolutionary scale than us plebs in the rental industry. He phoned up to complain about the six tonne dumper, which was delivered that same morning. “It’s crap, gerrit’ off site and bring me a new un,” was his opening line. The fact that it is only just over a year old and drove off the truck that morning without any issues, having been signed-off the previous afternoon was irrelevant to him. He was the customer and he demanded satisfaction.
Our engineer spoke to the odious toad, who struggled with words of more than one syllable, and which were interspersed with expletives. My man courageously attempted to talk him through simple checks, as it seemed odd that he had power but no drive. “Look son, don’t insult me, I’ve been driving this sort of stuff since before you were born, I’m telling you, it’s the gearbox or the clutch – just do your job and gerrit’ sorted fast!”
So, to placate the situation, I sent one of the lads to site with a replacement. As luck would have it, one of our HGV drivers was off for the day and the reserve is also a qualified fitter, so he took it out. Later that day I saw him in the depot and asked what was wrong with the machine. “Nothing Gaffa” was his response. It seems that this clown had decided that he was too cool for school to wear a seatbelt and he’d just clipped it up and sat on it. However, his fat arse had bent the seat buckle sufficiently that it was not making a connection, thus making the machine think that he was not wearing a seatbelt. I’m all for product improvements, and anything that helps reduce accidents is great, but I’ve found that the more you idiot-proof something, the better the idiot! Knuckle-dragging goon was the epitome of this, but worse was to come.
At ten to five we were called from site again with the replacement machine not starting either. This time the site
agent phoned to make “AN OFFICIAL COMPLAINT!” He was most indignant that this situation was causing delays on his job, he would not be paying for any hire for the day and if we didn’t get the situation sorted he would off-hire the six tonne dumper, site mixer, two petrol saws, a five tonne excavator and a heavy-duty forward/reverse plate. Fighting talk indeed and, with such a decent mix of kit, one has to sit up and think – especially as utilisation isn’t as good as we’d hoped.
So, we send out the reserve driver again, with the perfectly fine original six tonne dumper and our mobile engineer. Both are young lads, but they’re wiser than their years. Upon arrival, the driver videoed his mate walk to the machine, give it a cursory check and immediately identify that the drive selector had been left in gear. Placing it in neutral, the machine fired-up, drove and tipped the same as the day it rolled off the production line.
Hire company 2 – Knuckle-dragging goon nil!
The following morning, I was shown the video and it’s fair to say I quietly simmered. Shortly afterwards I was unlucky enough to answer the phone to the goon asking when we were swapping the machine. “We’re not, as we have visited site, checked the machine and it works just fine sir. Oh, and I don’t suffer fools gladly, sir, but in your case, I’ll make an exception. Would you like 4 by 3 or 4 by 2?” “What are you on about?” he asked. “Oh it’s the size of the piece of timber I’m going to bring to site to banjo you across the back of the head if you call again, sir!”…….. at which point the phone went silent.
Final Score: Hire company 3 – Knuckle-dragging goon nil!
Words of advice from a gruff old Yorkshire plantman: Avoid the knuckle-dragging goons of the world, for your own health, wellbeing and sanity!
Happy Hiring
44 Executive Hire News - September 2023
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