So, how can you be kind without being too nice? Here are 3 questions to ask yourself:
1. What is your motivation? As a leader, be mindful of the motivation behind your leadership style. Are you in it to solely gain something for yourself at that moment or are you in it to help the other person with longer-term goals in mind? Here’s an example - an employee is routinely late for work, and you need to address the situation. What is your motivation going into the conversation? Are you motivated by current staffing challenges with the intent to not lose another employee? If that’s the case, you might let the employee off the hook at the first excuse. That’s being nice and focusing on the short-term. Is your motivation to understand why the person is late and create an accountable work environment? If that’s the case, kindness will prevail as you begin to understand the person’s situation and help brainstorm ways this employee can be on time to work.
2. How are you offering help? Helping others boosts happiness and resilience; when you think about offering help through the lens of compassionate leadership, it’s about being a coach. If help equates to doing for someone, you’ve got it all wrong. To be a compassionate leader you must reframe in the context of helping the person solve their own problems. The person tells you they are late because of childcare challenges. Offering a barrage of solutions helps YOU in the moment, but it doesn’t help the person develop critical thinking skills. How can you help this person solve their own problem?
3. Is there room for failure? When we push others to solve their own problems, we start to transition to a leadership style that offers support through coaching rather than giving answers. And with that, failure must be viewed as a critical part of a person’s learning and growth journey. Suppose the person who is late finds a solution to their childcare challenge, but you can already see holes in their solution. Do you automatically correct their mistake before it happens? Or do you give them room to fail, offering a supportive net to learn and try again?
I’ll leave you with the thought of comparing 25
compassionate leadership to coaching. Is it a coach’s job to be nice to each player? No! If a coach wants to win the game, they must get to know each player as an individual and assess the player’s best ability to support the team. Sometimes that comes with an uncomfortable push to play a better-suited position. It’s the coach’s job to make each player feel valued and understand their contribution to the success of the team, regardless of position. It requires constant work. And just like a sports team’s success ebbs and flows based on the strength of its players and coaches, so will your organization’s success based on the strength of your people.
If developing a culture of compassion within your organization seems like a daunting task, align yourself with trusted partners to support the journey. AGE-u-cate’s Compassion Culture program is one option, focused on building compassionate attitudes and actions for all staff to develop leadership qualities.
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