Stuttering through Covid By James Hayden
I’m a creature of habit. I enjoy my routine and the sense of stability it provides me. Needless to say, good ole’ COVID-19 has destroyed both my routine and sense of stability. In addition to wrecking my lifestyle, COVID-19 has done a number on my speech. The precautions and a new way of living we have adopted to stop the virus spread have served as accessories to this wreckage.
My stutter is clinically classified as mild to moderate or, as I like to say, consistently inconsistent. Yet, the events of the past few months, in my unprofessional opinion, have made it more moderate to severe. I’ve noticed that I’m stuttering a lot more than I typically do. In situations where I would have only a few stuttering moments, I’m having several. In times where I typically have several stuttering moments, like during a quick conversation, I’m now having what seems like millions. I’m also blocking a lot more than I typically do. This was evident when I was talking to my friend the other day via Discord. It felt like I was blocking at least once every other sentence. We had over a four hour conversation, so there were many blocking and stuttering moments - even more than there are episodes of Survivor.
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I think the excessive blocking and stuttering moments are due to my lack of a regular routine, the staples of my life being on hold, the stress caused by the uncertainty about everything associated with COVID-19 and spending too much time worrying about how bad the second wave will be if/when it occurs. Since the end of March, my work schedule has changed many times. As someone who had the same schedule for two years and liked it, that adjustment took getting used to. I’ve played the “what if myself or someone I loved gets COVID-19” game so many times I’m now an expert at it. For the past three months, I’ve been super cautious about who I’m seeing, where I’m going, what I’m touching and how quickly I can wash my hands. Because of this, I’m unable to fully enjoy what I’m doing, but more importantly, feeling more undo stress. Realizing that pre-COVID-19 life is not returning anytime soon is providing more stress and anxiety, resulting in more stuttering.
The side effects of the world closing impact my mental health when I’m meeting virtually with others, ordering food and wearing a mask.
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