What is self-esteem? Macho invincibility? Humility and patience in the face of tribulation? Not really – though people with high self-esteem may at times seem to exude these characteristics. Self-esteem is simply acceptance of self. Sounds easy, doesn’t it? But in reality, accepting your- self is one of life’s toughest challenges – a job that, if done properly, can occupy all your waking hours.
HIDDEN FEARS Take the example of the high-powered super-salesperson
who always expects to make the sale. Flip the lid on this top achiever and you’ll often find a very insecure individu- al, someone who performs out of fear of failure. While giv- ing the impression of invincibility – and half-believing their own illusions of superiority – this sales rep may utterly lack self-confidence. They are aggressive rather than assertive, motivated by a frantic need to prove something, driven by a deep-seated need to overcome inadequacy. Does this person have high self-esteem? Obviously not.
Self-acceptance requires no proof or urgency to impress. What about the self-effacing sales rep who withdraws
from life’s fast pace by operating on the lowest denomi- nator of job performance? Some might say this sales rep “accepts” himself, slowly progressing on an even keel. Actually, this type only accepts his limitations. Scratch the surface and you’ll probably find a bitter soul who needs to “get even” with customers, tough and friendly ones alike, by giving as little as possible of themselves. This type of sales rep ironically finds justification in claim- ing they’re “too good for the rest of the world!” But, of course, what they’re getting even for are their feelings of self-doubt and self-rejection. Those who suffer from low self-esteem feel bad about (and even reject) themselves. Most often they reject oth- ers, too, including sales prospects.
IDENTIFYING LOW SELF-ESTEEM Sales representatives who find themselves gazing across
a cold desk into the colder eyes of a difficult client may wonder three things: 1) Is the customer going to accept me?; 2) How will I be viewed when I make my presenta- tion?; and 3) Will I be able to persuade the prospect? There are significant differences in how sales reps with high self-esteem and those with low self-esteem maneu- ver in this situation. Let’s examine low self-esteem. In our hypothetical situ-
ation, the sales rep with low self-esteem follows certain behavior patterns when confronting a “cold fish” prospect. His mind whips into high gear, connecting with all the unhappy experiences of the past that occurred with similar prospects. While reeling off his presentation, the sales rep hears an internal monologue that undermines any effort to look and sound convincing about the product. “This guy is just like the last prospect who turned me down,” he may
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think. “I’m wasting my time.” Whether the salesperson realizes it or not, the impact of
negative self-talk is communicated to the buyer through nonverbal signals. The buyer gets the underlying message.
Low Self-Esteem Can Wear Masks Sales reps with low self-esteem commonly develop a magician’s chest of tricks to cope with (but not solve) their problem. Take SuperRep, who often creates a separate persona they feel is more acceptable to buyers than their real self. With every “success,” this type grows increasingly divorced from reality. “They don’t like the real me, only my mask,” he thinks. “If they only knew how unimportant and worthless I am, they’d never buy from me.” Regardless of the number of sales racked up, SuperRep
feels little satisfaction. Reason: Credit for their achieve- ments goes to the phony outer shell. That’s one form of misadaptation.
Low Self-Esteem Plays It Safe Another occurs with Humble Rep, whose motto is, “Play it safe, keep distant, don’t get involved,” or, “If I don’t try, I won’t fail.” How true. Unfortunately, the other half of the maxim is that, if you don’t try, you won’t make the sale either. Humble Rep can float along for years – selling just enough to get by, finding a safe and comfortable niche in the lower ranks of sales performance, and never breaking out of their old groove. Focus on the past and negative self-talk lead this type of salesperson into retreat. In fact, you might say they are “mentally retired.” The negative aspects of low self-esteem permeate all phases of one’s life. Among peers, the sales rep may “put down” their customers. At home, they’ll be equally critical of their fellow sales reps. Negativism stemming from low self-esteem may surface in actively aggressive behavior. The frustrated salesperson often loses his temper, insults others, hangs up the phone, or refuses to talk. Though he makes every effort to avoid discussing the problem, the message comes through loud and clear: “I feel bad about myself. I need help with my self-esteem.” The solution is easy to identify, but harder to implement.
Both SuperRep and Humble Rep have to stop wearing masks and playing games. Self-esteem management can hardly be learned by
reading a book or an article. Learning about one’s self- esteem is a part of a personal growing experience – that’s what makes it so unique and precious.
NURTURING SELF-ESTEEM Returning to our model sales call, let’s see how the sales-
person with high self-esteem would appraise the situation. Is the customer for or against him? Neither, to start with. The customer may never have seen the sales rep before, and so has no preconceived
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