some test results and she heard a myriad of horror stories about bad test results, medical mix-ups, and getting bad news from the doctor. She already had some anxiety over waiting for her results, but now it was compounded by all the anxiety producing stories her friends and family piled on her. This fix leaves the person in need far
worse off than they were before. No one has ever been terrified into feeling better.
The Downplay Fix This type of fix uses dismissiveness as a solution. It is characterized by statements like, “Snap out of it” or “It can’t be that bad”. The fixer believes that by dismissing the suffering or hardship of the person in need they are helping them “get over it”. Instead, it makes the situation worse be- cause the one in pain now feels hurt and abandoned.
The Chicken Little Fix This type of fix is like Chicken Little
because the fixer is running all the disaster scenarios they can think of about how this situation will negatively affect them. The one who is hurting is accosted with all the worries and fears the fixer imagines for their life, like “What will I do if you don’t get better?”, “How is this going to affect my work?”, or “I’m afraid your pain will become too uncomfortable for me, so you’ll have to deal with it yourself.” The person in pain now has to put
themselves on hold to deal with their loved one’s fears, worries, and pain.
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Over time this can cause a deep rift in the relationship because only one per- son is ever cared for, regardless of whose pain it is. Additionally, this type of fix ex- acerbates the situation. By communicating panic, fear, doubt, and despair the neurons of both parties sync up with those emo- tions. There is no one in the situation balancing out the pain by communicating confidence, compassion, and healing.
How to Really Help Someone Who is Hurting So, what’s the answer? How do you
show up in a way that actually helps in- stead of piling on more hurt? After all, these are people near and dear to you. Well, it’s a two-step process. First of all, go within. The most com-
mon reason people jump right into “fix it” mode is because they are uncomfortable with feeling uncomfortable. Spend time meditating or in quiet contemplation. By finding your center you will be less reac- tive when you find yourself feeling discom- fort. Take a few deep breaths and intention- ally calm your mind to lower your fight/ flight response. This will put you in a place of being of service to someone who is hurting.
Secondly, focus on the other person. Listen deeply to what they are saying without any need to respond or engage. Create a space where they feel heard and cared for by sitting with them, giving them your full attention, offering tenderness or gentle touch, and accepting their emotions without commentary. Trust that after the
Donna Burick, BCC
emotion dies down a bit and your loved one is in a space of feeling loved, heard, and cared for then a conversation about solutions will follow if it’s necessary.
This month focus on compassion.
When you find yourself in a situation where you are beginning to feel uncom- fortable and have that urge to “fix” the person in front of you, stop. Take a few deep breaths, calm your mind, and just listen. Focus on them and your attention will shift away from your discomfort and open up a heart connection that will be a healing presence in their life.
Desire a results-oriented holistic solution? Do you yearn to: Create more balance in your life; Stop feeling so exhausted; Un- cover your life’s passion; Attain clarity about what’s next for you; Revive your relationships; Craft a deeper spiritual con- nection; Access a place of health & hap- piness? Donna can guide you from here to there, call for your free 15-minute consultation and discover a different ap- proach. 336-540-0088. Offices in Greens- boro & Winston-Salem. Visit
www.don-
naburick.com. See ad on page 15.
Gina Davis, FNP-C Gina Davis is a Board-Certified
Marcelle Hammer
Certified Medical Support Hypnosis Practitioner 336.768.7000
www.ForsythIntegrativeTherapy.com
www.RobinhoodIntegrativeHealth.com Gina Davis, FNP-C
Family Nurse Practitioner. She has been a nurse since 2003 and has specialized in diabetes management for the past10 years. She is commit- ted to helping others achieve their health potential physically, emo- tionally, and spiritually using a ho- listic
approach.She is excited to help those looking to enhance their over- all health for thyroid, bioidentical hormones, autoimmune diseases, and many other issues. Let her help you to achieve Health as it Ought to Be.
336.768.3335 MAY 2019 13
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