LIVING WELL


4 Disastrous Quick Fixes that Hurt More Than They Help


“It would be impossible to estimate how much time and energy we invest in trying to fix, change and deny our emotions - especially the ones that shake us at our very core, like hurt, jealousy


rage and grief.” ~ Debbie Ford


comes home from school crying because they got their feelings hurt your first instinct is to offer tenderness and hugs. However, right after that comes the urge to make it all better by suggesting ways to “fix” the problem, like asking what they could have done differently, telling them the other child didn’t mean it, or making it seem like it isn’t that big of a deal.


W


hen people we love are hurting our first inclination is to rush in and “fix it”. When your child


“My job isn't to fix or rescue or to save. It's to accompany see people, listen to them.” ~ Greg Boyle


, loneliness, shame,


“The show is 'Fix My Life!' Get it? Life. I do not fix people.” ~ Iyanla Vanzant


We are all guilty of slipping into fixer


mode as a way of offering help. This type of behavior feels good because we believe that we are doing something positive. Unfortunately, the total opposite is true. Even when your intentions are noble,


fixing creates distance between you and the person you love. By jumping in to fix you are jumping out of a space of hearing and understanding. When someone is hurting they need compassion, not solu- tions.


Bose Ravenel, MD Dr. Bose Ravenel is a pediatrician


with a total of 31 years’ experience in private pediatric practice and 11 years in academic pediatrics. He of- fers an integrative and functional medicine approach to ADD/ADHD and other chronic health problems. Well known and highly respected


www.RobinhoodIntegrativeHealth.com Bose Ravenel, MD


in clinical and academic circles, we are honored to have him join our practice.


336.768.3335 12 NaturalTriad.com


Here are the top 4 types of Quick Fixes that hurt more than they help.


The All About Me Fix This type of fix turns the conversation


away from the person who is hurting and puts it on the fixer. It usually begins with, “I know what you’re going through.” And then jumps into, “When I injured my back I did acupuncture/went to yoga/had weekly chiropractor sessions and I was better in no time.” The first statement swivels the conver-


sation back onto the fixer. The second statement feels like they are just being helpful or relating to the person in need, yet that’s not the case. By implying that what worked for one person should be the answer is an empty solution. Everyone’s situation is different and


what worked for one might make the problem worse for someone else. Plus, this type of fix feels very narcissistic; the person in need is lectured to instead of heard.


The 1-Up Fix This type of fix tries to help with the,


“You think that’s bad?” one-upmanship challenge. By telling stories of people who had it worse the fixer believes they are helping, when in fact they are only hor- rifying.


I had a client who was waiting for ,


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