A


friend of mine has a son who suffers from a drug problem. My friend also suffers because of the


behavior of his son. He has been trying to help this 26-year-old man for over 10 years. Recently he drove his son to a building during his lunch break from work and gave him some money. Te son went into the building and came out with a bag. Te father told me about this later that day, and I asked why he would give his son money for drugs and also provide transportation. Te father said, “I could not say for sure that they were drugs in the bag!” He was very defensive with me. We spoke again later that day. To justify


himself, he told me that his son is calmer while smoking cannabis and needs it. I know his son has been fired from several jobs in the past and recently was prevented from working due to a failed drug test. My friend also gives him money monthly for rent and food, and apparently drugs. Te father has been assaulted by the son, charged him with assault, and then hired a lawyer to keep him out of jail. Tis situation is not over yet. Te father told me that he wants to move to another country to get away from his son. Tis is how people become sick from dealing with the ongoing behavior of an addict. I have told the father of the many forms of help available for him and his son, but there is no interest in change at present. He is unable to see his participation in this relationship. Incidentally, the father is well-educated, holds a master’s degree, and has a good job. I am sure that this scenario sounds bizarre


and is something that you would never participate in, but I tell it to make a point. It is called “enabling,” doing for others what they should do for themselves. You could also say that enabling is preventing someone from seeing the results of their own negative actions. Enabling in various forms goes on in workplaces all over the world. I see and hear about enabling all the time.


Trough my work, I have seen that many employees have been enabled to progress


28 datia focus


in their addiction by the inactivity or the wrong activity by others. For example, a person I saw years ago in an industrial seting that told me he had been drinking at least a quart of rum per day, every day for two years. I can smell alcohol easily from a person near me, or if I am in an office with them. I am not the only one that can do this. It is ridiculous to assume no one smelled that man during that two-year period. I also met his wife, who defended him


every time I tried to help him see himself. She had all of the usual excuses, one being that he has been drinking his whole life and his job makes things hard for him by expecting him to quit alcohol. It is a natural thing to try to appease the


addict and smooth things over, but can you see that that is exactly what is keeping the person stuck in their addiction? Tey are unable to see that they are the problem because of enabling. It is so noticeable, yet so prevalent. I have had many people who said they were angry with me for pointing this out to them. No one wants to be criticized, but in this case it can mean life or death. What bothers me is that I am fighting against the employee’s belief there is no problem here and also a system that has gone on for a long time to keep the status quo. A person who has to change something


detrimental to their life must be able to see the problem or issue clearly in order to change it. With addiction, the person needs natural consequences in order to be able to open their mind enough to see that they are the problem. Tat’s how addicted people change. When others try to help but unknowingly hurt, they can’t see their part. For example, covering up for someone being late to work continually. It will keep going on because the employee wonders why make the effort to be on time when it is easy to be late? Angry outbursts from employees are tolerated because no one confronts or reports the worker and the harassment, so why should one change if it is easy to stay the same?


Te person with the problem is shielded


by others from seeing their part in creating their own dysfunction. Loaning money, covering up at work, leting the smell of alcohol go by without inspection. I call this bad help in my book because it prolongs the suffering. People I know that have recovered from addiction only did so when all of the enablers fled the scene and allowed natural consequences take over. Once you have developed a patern of


covering up, it is hard to break free. Look at my friend and his son. One of the things I try to explain to managers and HR workers is that you can only do so much for the employee. Te employee bears most of the responsibility for helping himself, especially in the case of addiction or substance abuse. A big factor in employees not seeking help for themselves is other people. Tat’s right! We prevent someone from seeing their problem because of our kind heart. Our tools are ineffective, but we keep using them anyway because we do not know that there are other tools available to use. At some level, we see we are not helping, but we get into the habit of trying to fix something that we cannot fix, and this sets up a subconscious mental conflict that we have to live with—or do we? Te use of detachment is a fundamental principle of the Alcoholics Anonymous (a.k.a., Al-Anon) program. If you have evidence that one of your


employees or coworkers is allowing substance abuse to affect their work, you are giving bad help if you cover it up and neglect to take action. It may be easier in the short term, but you have now become their enabler. We, as individuals, enable, and we have allowed some of our institutions to do it as well. We can build a treatment center on every city block, but if the addict does not believe that there is a problem and that help is needed, s/he won’t go to them. By the time an addict or alcoholic comes


to me on a referral, they sometimes have many enablers: the justice system, family doctor, the company’s HR personnel,


winter 2019


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