RELATIONSHIPS
perspective, and therefore your attitude towards it is less disastrous, and more opportunistic. By asking yourselves, “What did
we learn from this, how can we grow from this?” you reduce the likelihood of making the same mistakes again. Furthermore, you will learn to find a level of contentment even in the difficult times, knowing from past experience that there will be a silver lining in every interaction. Something to point out here: when it
about the other person's feelings. We are so busy fighting for our point of view that we lose perspective. When one party exposes their feelings and vulnerabilities, and their expression is seen as genuine, it allows the other to more readily access a level of warmth. We are reminded that the person we are in conflict with is human, with insecurities and real feelings, and the gap between them and you is brought a little closer together. It catapults us into compassion and gives permission for the guards to drop. Vulnerability takes speaking from the
heart. When we connect to each other from the place of the heart, it changes the entire dynamic of the conversation and allows each other’s points of view to be held and seen. It is highly likely that the other person will also soften. Vulnerability instantly creates a letting down of our guard; it creates intimacy. It can feel like a great risk, but it comes with abundant rewards.
44 MARCH | APRIL 2018
TRANSMUTATION OF THE SITUATION How we perceive conflict, both during and after the event, will determine the ongoing effects and outcomes of the situation. Using the analogy of the alchemical process of transmuting lead into gold, so too can a situation that initially seemed dire become an opportunity for growth, and create a positive outcome. Finding the gold within the conflict
involves being able to reflect upon the situation and seek ways in which it can be used as an opportunity for both personal transformation, as well as the evolution of the relationship itself. Many spiritual traditions teach that our struggles in life can be the very things that expand us. When you have this attitude towards conflict, it’s a bit like being in a yoga or exercise class. Perhaps there's a challenge there, but you know that what you are doing has a greater purpose, a higher
comes to making amends, sometimes the action comes before the feeling. You might not feel like reaching out. Goodness knows, when you are in the throes of a slinging match, the last thing you may feel inclined to do is gently reach out for a hug, or show your vulnerabilities. Taking action in these ways may seem like the hardest thing to do, a personal challenge and spiritual practice in and of itself. But when we do, if we can stay in that space, the feeling and intimacy follow. It’s like anything in life. For example, if you smile long enough, you can start to feel genuinely happy. You might not feel like smiling, but if you create the action, the emotion will often come afterwards. So to prevent breakdowns in our
relationships, see the dangers and make amends as soon as you can. Use these tools to minimise the pain and find the gold. With this, we can bounce back from conflict more quickly, gain greater lessons from the process, and decrease the damage done. And try to remember – quite often making peace is more important than being right. Life is too short to spend it holding grudges! l
Connect with other readers & comment on this article at
www.livingnow.com.au
Emma Power is a public speaker and teacher. She is the founder of The Awaken School and Tantra Is Love. She provides coaching and
guidance through hosting regular workshops and courses.
IMAGE: PRISCILLA DU PREEZ
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