E10


KLMNO


By Patrick Berry • Edited by Peter Gordon • www.fireballcrosswords.com ACROSS


The Post Puzzler No. 15


1 “Psych” network 4 Satyajit Ray’s “___ Trilogy”


7 Like a well-rounded person?


13 It might hold one’s notice 15 Penny part 16 Like some birthday cards 17 Rust producer 18 White Sox shortstop Vizquel


19 Settled up with, say 21 Miss being seen? 22 Proceeds 24 Guns, slangily 25 Where the Norte Chico civilization fl ourished


NICK GALIFIANAKIS FOR THE WASHINGTON POST


Consider mom’s disapproval of boyfriend; don’t just tune her out


Dear Carolyn: I have been dating a great guy for two


years. We graduated from a great university last year. I’ve been on-and-off with several jobs, and finally found a wonderful, steady one. The SO was unemployed after graduation; found an awful, awful job; quit (with my 110 percent support; it was too toxic especially for near-minimum wage!) after six months. He did manage to save up some money. I do not think either of our situations is


worrisome for recent grads, but even though he has been unemployed for only two weeks, my mom will not leave me alone about it. He is far from a deadbeat; she thinks he is one. She hardly knows him, yet is very accusatory, with a deluded perception of things around her. She and I have an okay relationship and this is driving a wedge between us. She is very critical of my SOs, but this is getting out of control. I just want everyone to be friends.


Anonymous


That’s not it, though, is it? It looks as if you want your mother to be proud of you for your great university, wonderful job and responsible taste in men. And your mom’s enthusiastic dislike for your significant other(s) (hereafter “Siggy”) essentially denies you your victorious adulthood debut. Wanting Mom’s approval is hardly


exotic; just count the number of times you hear, “Mommmy/Daddy, look!” at a playground. From the youngest of ages, parents are the emotional mirror we check as we head out the door. For that reason alone, please don’t be so quick to defend Siggy against your mother’s criticisms. I don’t know either of you and I know you’re doing it: She says something negative, and you say, reflexively, “The job was toxic!” “He saved up money!” “Mommy, look what a good boy I found!” The more impassioned and reflexive your justifications, the more you’re justifying yourself — when the most productive course is to weigh Siggy as carefully as


CAROLYN HAX


you can, which involves privately taking a good hard look at your mom’s credibility and yours. There’s an even more pragmatic reason to preempt your justifications, though: The harder you fight your mom’s disapproval, the more certain she will feel that you aren’t listening to her —and the harder she’s going to push. If you don’t want to hear something anymore, then often your best move is the counterintuitive one: Pull your fingers out of your ears and listen, once. “Mom, I hear that you’re worried about Siggy’s unemployment. I don’t blame you — his future is important to me, too. But I think it’s too soon to draw conclusions, and I like him enough to wait to see how things turn out.” Taking her concerns seriously, and


saying so, will establish an important emotional shift: You’re committed to seeing Siggy for who he is, and not for what his job situation says (or doesn’t say) about you. That puts you a step closer to a healthy goal for any adult child: The ability to feel good without checking the mirror at all. If Mom still isn’t impressed: “Mom,


I’ve explained where I stand on Siggy’s employment, and I’m through discussing it. If something else is bothering you, please say so — I value your opinion.” Thereafter, it’s “New topic, please — how’s Auntie Lou?”


Write to Tell Me About It, Style, 1150 15th St. NW, Washington, D.C. 20071, or tellme@washpost. com.


at www.washingtonpost.com/discussions. ASK AMY


Parents raise a stink after kids go for ink


Dear Amy: Our kids (19-year-old boy and


21-year-old girl) announced last night that they had gotten tattoos. They are no longer able to hide them because it’s summer and they are wearing bathing suits. We have no idea why they did this. They


don’t really have that kind of money to throw away, and they know how we feel about tattoos. It’s not as if they made this choice while in drunken stupors; they planned it! We just find this hard to believe. We


feel we’ve done the right things to help them make good decisions. In a few years when the ink starts to bleed, they may woefully regret what they did.


Both kids are studying for professional


careers. We are paying for their schooling. Both kids have jobs and help pay for some expenses. My husband feels that having tattoos decreases their chances of getting good jobs, as corporations can find out “everything” about prospective employees. He also feels that the wrong group of friends is influencing them. I disagree. I feel they are good kids


overall who have made us proud in many ways. They are loyal, honest, smart and hardworking and have superb characters and integrity. Also we’re trying to determine a


suitable punishment for spending that money and each making such a bad decision — making them pay for more of their way comes to mind. What do you think?


Beside Ourselves


I think you may be overreacting to or misreading the professional “risks” associated with having a tattoo. Unless your offspring have tattoos


Write to Amy Dickinson at askamy@tribune. com or Ask Amy, Chicago Tribune, TT500, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, Ill. 60611.


© 2010 by the Chicago Tribune Distributed by Tribune Media Services


that are obvious and visible (on their hands or necks, for instance), or unless they wear their bathing suits to a job interview, there’s no reason their ink should hold them back professionally. The most important point is that they


have made a choice and will have to face the natural consequences of this choice. If their tattoos hold them back professionally, they will face the option of having them removed. They have disappointed you and your husband, and the consequence of that will be the knowledge that they have let down two people who love and trust them.


If they used money for these tattoos


that should have been spent elsewhere, then they should repay you. After that, let it go.


Dear Amy: I appreciated your response to the


“Worried Son,” whose elderly father was abnormally jealous and abusive toward the mother. My family went through this heartache.


My father raged at my mother. We couldn’t understand what was going on. It turns out he has Alzheimer’s and this was one symptom. Our father is getting treatment and is


somewhat better. Most important, we now understand what’s happening.


Sad Son


Any extreme changes in personality could be signs of disease. I wish your family all the best.


ONLINE DISCUSSION Carolyn Hax’s weekly Web chat is at noon Fridays


26 Puts on the record 28 Old ways of handling current problems?


29 “Despite your objection ...” 32 Raw material for silver dollars


33 “No one’s quite sure why, but ...”


34 “Miss Julie” composer Ned 35 Subject of the 2006 biopic “Fur”


36 Site of the ancient Olympics


37 “Wandering at ___” (Whitman poem)


39 Court entries 43 Exit-the-program key 44 Attack in medieval fashion


46 Likely to offend some people


ANSWER TO LAST WEEK’S PUZZLE


BE E F J E R K Y SO A M I LU C R A T I V E EPS O N OB L I G A T E S TI T O V BI A S TA T I BE R N E S E TTE MC C O Y OR R GR A H A M OL I N


FAT F R E E NE W W A V E AD E L E H


GR E B E S


C H EET A H RA I D E R S TE N D SU R E S T OS I AH M E T SA N D S RI D E R BR I M LO E W IV O R Y LE N A H O R N E ZE LD A EN U M E R A T E ES SE N ST E A M S H I P


33 34


36


43 47 51


53 44 48 49


52 54


37 38 45 50 32


47 Hard C? 49 Briefl y changed into 51 Small investors’ buys 52 Like big spoonfuls 53 Without resistance, maybe 54 Itch 55 Blinker


DOWN


1 V, to a violinist 2 “Guys and Dolls” song 3 Literary lion 4 Keen 5 Walk on water? 6 Tackle 7 3-D graph line 8 Keen 9 “End the ___” (Ron Paul bestseller)


10 Artisans 11 Organ of Corti site 12 “C’mon, chop-chop!” 14 Certain contacts 15 Weigh down 20 Toulouse-Lautrec specialty


23 Series of funny bits? 25 Hypnotized, possibly


123 456 13 16 18 22 26 29 23 27 30 31 19 24 28 20 25 14 15 17 21 78910 11 12


27 Pretend 28 Fully equips 29 Roadblock 30 Leader of a 1968 march on Washington


31 Acronymic auto name 32 Sunbathing area 33 Dying word in “Braveheart”


37 Like horehound candy 38 Early rival of Ford 40 Money on the radio 41 Great suffering 42 Playwright who co-founded the Abbey Theatre


44 Cat’s-paw 45 Hierarchical structure 48 Jan. honoree 50 Crime writer Rankin


SUNDAY, JULY 18, 2010


35 39 46 40 41 42


55


TODAY’S HOROSCOPE Holiday Mathis


Aries (March 21-April 19) You are ever young. The proof is this:


You know a person very well. And yet you are still able to look at this person as though you are seeing him or her for the first time.


Taurus (April 20-May 20) Each different sound inspires a feeling in you. Your ears will capture tones that bring about deep feelings. Maybe this happens when you hear the name of a person you love.


Gemini (May 21-June 21) You’ll have a special power over the opposite sex. You will simply hypnotize them when you talk. You don’t have to say anything astounding or particularly intelligent, either. Your talk of food and family will charm all.


Cancer (June 22-July 22) There will be more distractions than


main attractions. It’s as if you’re sitting down to a banquet of appetizers. You might fill up on the bite-size delights and still feel as if you haven’t really eaten.


Leo (July 23-Aug. 22) Thanks to some well-informed and hopelessly trendy friends, you have the 411 on everything hip. This information


will prove valuable now, as you take part in an activity that could only happen on this day in time.


Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22) You could be further along on a


project. Recent delays have pushed back your original plans to such a degree that you almost feel as if you’re starting all over. But no mind — in the big scheme of things, you’re right on schedule.


Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 23) You have many talents and roles in life, and your activities reflect the many facets of your personality. Someone is trying to figure you out. It takes an equally eclectic individual to truly understand you.


Scorpio (Oct. 24-Nov. 21) The one who has been assisting you will suddenly have other things to attend to. At first you may feel that this person is leaving you high and dry. But it will turn out that you can do quite a lot on your own.


Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21) Fruitful partnerships require a level of trust. Some degree of predictability is necessary. Your moods, attitudes and actions are consistent, and this will endear others to you.


CUL DE SAC Richard Thompson


Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19) The energy of desire makes life


exciting. But too much desire is a burden, and one becomes a slave to the things one wants. Your inner strength and awareness will keep you safe from the dangers of excess.


Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18) You know it is an act of love to listen to others, and yet some people are sure to go on and on about topics you care nothing about. Help these people find others who might share their interests.


Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20) Assume nothing. Take the time to sense and feel others. Before you interact, pause for a moment of stillness and observation. All communication will be improved.


TODAY’S BIRTHDAY | JULY 18: You become masterful at guiding your emotions and using your passionate energy to create personal charisma and momentum for your projects. August brings a financial bonus. There’s a breakthrough in your personal life in September. December brings a grand event. March begins a lucrative professional venture. Libra and Pisces people adore you. ©2010, Creators Syndicate


Page 1  |  Page 2  |  Page 3  |  Page 4  |  Page 5  |  Page 6  |  Page 7  |  Page 8  |  Page 9  |  Page 10  |  Page 11  |  Page 12  |  Page 13  |  Page 14  |  Page 15  |  Page 16  |  Page 17  |  Page 18  |  Page 19  |  Page 20  |  Page 21  |  Page 22  |  Page 23  |  Page 24  |  Page 25  |  Page 26  |  Page 27  |  Page 28  |  Page 29  |  Page 30  |  Page 31  |  Page 32  |  Page 33  |  Page 34  |  Page 35  |  Page 36  |  Page 37  |  Page 38  |  Page 39  |  Page 40  |  Page 41  |  Page 42  |  Page 43  |  Page 44  |  Page 45  |  Page 46  |  Page 47  |  Page 48  |  Page 49  |  Page 50  |  Page 51  |  Page 52  |  Page 53  |  Page 54  |  Page 55  |  Page 56  |  Page 57  |  Page 58  |  Page 59  |  Page 60  |  Page 61  |  Page 62  |  Page 63  |  Page 64  |  Page 65  |  Page 66  |  Page 67  |  Page 68  |  Page 69  |  Page 70  |  Page 71  |  Page 72  |  Page 73  |  Page 74  |  Page 75  |  Page 76  |  Page 77  |  Page 78  |  Page 79  |  Page 80  |  Page 81  |  Page 82  |  Page 83  |  Page 84  |  Page 85  |  Page 86  |  Page 87  |  Page 88  |  Page 89  |  Page 90  |  Page 91  |  Page 92  |  Page 93  |  Page 94  |  Page 95  |  Page 96  |  Page 97  |  Page 98  |  Page 99  |  Page 100  |  Page 101  |  Page 102  |  Page 103  |  Page 104  |  Page 105  |  Page 106  |  Page 107  |  Page 108  |  Page 109  |  Page 110  |  Page 111  |  Page 112  |  Page 113  |  Page 114  |  Page 115  |  Page 116  |  Page 117  |  Page 118  |  Page 119  |  Page 120  |  Page 121  |  Page 122  |  Page 123  |  Page 124  |  Page 125  |  Page 126  |  Page 127  |  Page 128  |  Page 129  |  Page 130  |  Page 131  |  Page 132  |  Page 133  |  Page 134  |  Page 135  |  Page 136  |  Page 137  |  Page 138  |  Page 139  |  Page 140  |  Page 141  |  Page 142  |  Page 143  |  Page 144  |  Page 145  |  Page 146  |  Page 147  |  Page 148  |  Page 149  |  Page 150  |  Page 151  |  Page 152  |  Page 153  |  Page 154  |  Page 155  |  Page 156