“Remind yourself that it is okay for kids to be
bored,” says Fay, noting that boredom fosters
creativity and prepares kids for a “real life”
that is not always action-packed.
on the way to a practice or he or she students that found the time it takes
doesn’t talk much about an activity (a kids to complete their homework has
sign of genuine interest), it could be a increased 51 percent since 1981.
wake-up call. Ask your child to make In response, Pope, a mother of
a list of his or her favorite interests, in three, founded the Stressed Out Stu-
order of priority, Fay suggests, and trim dents Project (now called Challenge
off the bottom. Success) in 2007. The national orga-
On the flip side, Fay counsels nization teaches parents and teachers
that too little structure at home can be how to minimize academic stress.
stressful for kids; they look to their par- The first step, she says, is for parents
ents to demonstrate assertiveness and to clearly define their own vision of
provide the boundaries that make them “success” for their child. Is it really at-
feel safe. “If you have anxious kids, one tendance at an Ivy League school? Or, is
disorders, such as ADHD (Attention question to ask is, ‘Am I setting enough it participating in an enjoyable college
Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder),” says limits and sticking to those limits?’” environment that enriches their life?
Fay. “People have this vision that their
Another tip: Check your own stress
school age solutions
child has to get straight As and involve
level. “Kids take their emotional cues themselves in every extracurricular
from the adults around them,” advises By far, the most common cause of activity in order to get into a good col-
Fay. “A lot of high-achieving, perfec- school-age anxiety (particularly amid lege: Not true,” states Pope. “There is a
tionist kids think mistakes are the end middle-to-upper-income suburban kids) college out there for every student who
of the world, because they see their is academic stress. Numerous studies wants to go to college.”
parents reacting that way.” show that adolescents place school- If a parent gets the sense that their
He counsels parents to model posi- work above friend problems, bullying child’s homework levels are exces-
tive reactions to stress. Take a moment and trouble at home when ranking sive, they need to be proactive and call
to tell the kids a funny story about how stressors. the teacher, says Pope. As a general
you spilled coffee in your lap and had One recent Stanford University rule, kids should have no more than
to run home to change—and the lesson poll of 496 high school students in 10 minutes of homework per grade
learned. Instead of freaking out as you California’s Bay Area found that when level (10 minutes for first-graders, 30
rush around the house looking for the students were asked to list what causes for third-graders, two hours for high
car keys, say, “Oh well. It’s not the end the most stress in their lives, 68 percent school seniors, etc.). Pope asks her
of the world if I am a few minutes late.” cited schoolwork. Nearly 78 percent child’s teachers to send work home in
Experts say overscheduling is reported having experienced stress-re- advance in weekly packets, so they can
another chronic source of stress, with lated physical problems like headaches, distribute it over the week around other
many parents shuttling junior from story weight gain, insomnia or stomach prob- commitments.
time to baby yoga to playdates. Ac- lems. In some cases, excess stress turns “I know kids who do different,
cording to a 2001 study by University to depression and tragedy can strike. multiple sports each season after
of Michigan researchers, children ages “Kids are more stressed than in the school, then come home every day,
3 to 5 have eight fewer hours per week past for a whole host of reasons, and it eat dinner and start in on homework
of free play time than they did in 1981. is a big problem,” confirms education at 8 or 9. We are asking them to put in
Kids ages 6 to 8 enjoy 13 fewer hours researcher and Stanford lecturer, Denise longer days than most adults do,” Pope
of free time. Pope. “There is more emphasis on remarks.
An easy solution: “Remind yourself testing, and kids feel the pressure from
that it is okay for kids to be bored,” says their teachers. Homework levels have
Let kids be kids
Fay, noting that boredom fosters creativ- gone up significantly. They feel like
ity and prepares kids for a “real life” they are the hope for the future, and the Honoré, a London author who has
that is not always action-packed. pressure is on.” made a living writing books about how
If you find yourself often eating Research supports Pope’s conclu- to slow down and lead a less frenzied
in the car en route to endless pursuits, sion, including a 2004 University of life, says he too, found himself fall-
your child throws a fit or falls asleep Michigan survey of more than 2,900 ing into the “hyper-parenting” trap.
34 Broward County
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