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hipsters would rather pay (arguably) too much for a vintage Japanese bicycle than pay(arguably)too


much for a Rolex. CDs: Facially similar


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Hi, DJ Stevens:


Are you a real DJ or are those your initials? — PM (INITIALS)


I wouldn’t say I’m not a DJ. Calvin Har- ris has been biting my style for years. He knows I don’t like the spotlight, and so he lets me hang out with actors and super- models at his super secret pad in...some jewel-like city that shall remain nameless. Otherwise, yeah, just my initials. Thinking about DJs reminds me of


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something. Anybody remember how I was looking for ideas about stuff that hipsters ought to like, but don’t? Well, I was. But I’m not anymore. So here’s a mostly com- plete list, from yours truly, with some input from readers. Because it makes a nice segue, I’ll start with... DJs: You would


think that the carefree attitude (not to men- tion the tastefully non- committal drug and alcohol use) of club culture would draw hipsters from far and wide, and you would think wrong. Maybe because the tech bros have placed upon it the tribal armband stamp of approval, or perhaps because you can’t dance ironically to a synthesizer, hipsters eschew the many, many iterations of EDM and the culture that surrounds it. Except for Diplo. For whatever reason, hipsters dig Diplo. Horology: Thanks to Glenn in Spring


Valley, I use this fancy sobriquet because it’s exactly the kind of word one might expect to find attached to a totes adorbs hipster bou- tique dealing in the sale and repair of clocks and wristwatches, if only hipsters gave a crap. At first glance, watch fans’ unparalleled obsession with authenticity and handicraft appears in sync with hipster values, but most


HIPSTER@SDREADER.COM


to, but ultimately dis- tinct from, the hip- ster disdain for DJs; hipsters have no fondness for CD col- lections that mayor may not have been aug-


mented through inadvertent Columbia House purchases in the 1990s. Video Games: Accord-


ing to Andrea, although the “nerds” who grew up to be their generation’s hipsters once held abso-


lute title to the kingdom of tabletop (and then computer) gaming — see every D&D reference in older books and cinema — the exact opposite holds true these days. Living in Obscure Places Nobody Has


Ever Heard of: Dave from National City believes that moving to, say, Dennistown, ME, is pushing the obscurity envelope a bit too far.


Stephen Colbert: Hipsters liked the


early stuff. If this were on the pre-2005 SAT, Colbert:The Daily Show::Weezer:Pinkerton. Gambling: “Mixologist” may well be an


acceptable occupation in the hipster com- munity, but among the alternative career optionsavailable to modern hipsters, “pro- fessional gambler” is nowhere to be found. WWII: Hipsters


Rodney Dangerfield in Caddyshack


may like old stuff, but middle-aged, nomi- nally Republican males refuse to release their stranglehold on arm- chair quarterbacking


the Battle of the Bulge. The 1970s: ’60s? Awesome. ’80s? Awe-


some. ’90s? OMG, awesomest because many hipsters were kids then! 1970s? Meh, but nobody knows why. Golf: Despite the opportunity to dress


like Rodney Dangerfield in Caddyshack, possibly because hipsters don’t need an excuse to wear plastic checkered blazers with lapels that you could park an RV on, hipsters generally don’t go in for golfing. The closest most hipsters come to a round of golf is the occasional pitcher of Bloody Marys at Tobey’s 19th Hole. Imagine Dragons: Courtesy of Alice,


this one actually comes as no surprise. — DJ Stevens


San Diego Reader March 30, 2017 11


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