HEALTH continued from page 8
provide readers with a precis of all that scientific hoo-hah. Instead, I’ll quote from just one because the others had too many Greek- like multi-syllabic words. The Learn Genetics Lab in Utah says, “Telomeres have been compared with the plastic tips on shoelaces,
because they keep chromosome ends from fraying and sticking to each other, which would destroy or scramble an organism’s genetic information. Yet, each time a cell divides, the telomeres get shorter. When they get too short, the cell can no longer divide; it becomes inactive or “senescent” or it dies. This shortening process is associated with aging, cancer, and a higher risk of death.”
IN STOCK AND READY TO GO!
AURURA
How simple. Drs. Blackburn and Epel inform
us we can lengthen those tips and thus look forward to Hyper Bowl LXXX’s halftime show that will star a resurgent Tony Bennett in a duet with Mick Jagger crooning the romantic hits of the 2030s. To begin with, telomeres prefer
aerobic exercise over all other forms, especially running, fast walking or interval training. Downsides? Running is, for many, on a par with root canal as a fun thing to do. Fast walking looks really odd. Interval training is work. Surely there’s an easier way. Next, reduce belly fat and limit
sugar intake. I have a problem with this one. How can I lengthen my telomeres and thus eat more cheesecake if eating cheesecake doesn’t do it? Does anyone else see my confusion here? We should also, apparently, eat
more fish, flaxseed and seaweed. I thought they’d add we could do it just for the halibut, but it seems neither author has much of a sense of humour. Seaweed? Yes, on my next trip to the South Pacific, I do plan to go diving for seaweed. I checked and seaweed is not a banned substance at the border. Besides, if it can be mixed in a salad with chocolate chips, I’m all for it. And when my telomeres do
1625 FURY XL 1650 REBEL XS SPORT
shorten from insufficient aerobic exercise and seaweed or too much cheesecake, I can meditate them back to their proper length. This seems like a bargain. I’m going to get right on
this and report back to you in 2045.
Richard Bercuson and his Hours of business: Monday to Friday 8am to 5:30pm & Saturday 8am to 1pm, Closed Sundays
Highway 15 Carleton Place, ON 613.257.1772
www.cpmarine.com
12 BOUNDER MAGAZINE
moderately lengthy telomeres live in Brooklin, Ontario, where he plans to open a seaweed shop one day. Until then, he is the editor of the Brooklin Town Crier newspaper and a Hockey Canada coaching program instructor.
www.bounder.ca
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