GETTING OFF THE HAMPSTER WHEEL
Can you believe that on-line dating goes back over 20 years? Middle-aged singles can recall firsthand the fear and stigma associated with online dating. These days, if you ask someone who is single, most will tell you that they’ve used at least one online dating site or app and, according to Consumer Reports, 28 percent of online daters who report using more than one service tried four or more.
A common and fascinating complaint expressed over the last few years, though, is that for all its accessibility, online dating is often not efficient. Apps provide access to millions of singles, but what they typically can’t or don’t do is authenticate or evaluate the members — let alone offer a verification process to determine if matches have the same core values.
What’s worse, a 2013 Pew Research Center report showed that an astonishing 54 percent of online daters “have felt that someone else seriously misrepresented themselves in their profile” and that 28 percent experienced contact through an online dating site or app “in a way that made them feel harassed or uncomfortable.”
The outcome has been the revival of a coupling method as old as social communities themselves — matchmakers that include interviews and follow- ups based on actual, person-to-person interaction as fundamental parts of the service.
Why is the “new-school” going back to the “old-school”?
Safety: In 2014, the FBI reported that Americans lost more than $82 million to online dating fraud. While not all matchmaking companies do background checks, the majority do check for criminal history and sex offender lists.
Secrecy: Matchmakers make it easy to keep information confidential, and also make personal offline introductions, including concierge services that take care of all the arrangements. This is ideal for many singles in the public eye.
Sensitivity: Often, singles don’t have a clue as to how they come across. They may go on a first date, never hear back, and are left wondering why. Working with a matchmaker nearly always includes feedback as part of the process. Daters learn other’s observations, why someone expressed interest, or not, and may even get coaching to fine-tune behavior and communication style moving forward.
Simplicity: The average single spends approximately six hours online to arrange a date. Matchmakers have databases and recruiters regularly adding new potential matches for their clients. Often arranging the
introduction so that all you need to do is show up!
Selectivity: Helping their clients focus on the best candidates, professional matchmakers pair singles based on values, personalities, common life goals, and physical appearance, among other criteria.
Typically, matchmaker customers invest a few thousand dollars. In cities like New York, singles often pay north of $5,000 depending on how long they work together and how many introductions are received. As with any other big-ticket expenditure, it’s critical to do your homework. Look for a certified matchmaker who is bound by a code of ethics. Make certain to arrange an in-person interview with your
assigned matchmaker
to ensure that you have a rapport given the nature of such a personal and important part of your life.
Arlene Vasquez Washburn is a certified matchmaker, dating coach, creator of the Get REAL, Get Love™ Coaching System and resident relationship expert in CYACYL magazine and radio show on NY’s WOR 710 AM Radio. Arlene is also the CEO of the Matchmaking Institute, the only state licensed school for matchmaking in the world. She’s an industry leader, sought after speaker and expert guest featured on many media outlets.
www.AVConnexions.com
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