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refusing to work. (Not that in my experience there is any other kind but I digress) Borrow a dory. Double rope them both - one to the other. Take the yacht taxi ashore when on a spring tide blithely forgetting what you have done and try to re-board around them as it were (are you following this?). Two ropes will apply themselves to the back of your knee resulting in a hard fall backwards, then rap around your neck and deliver a sharp wet smack to the face. I know all this because it happened to me only yesterday and yet I still live with only the sting of humiliation at our idiocy and the astonishing realisation that I can still leap high into the air and spin like a top. I barely notice the “boat bites” anymore. When the


surgeon queried my swollen split lip I pointed out “ I bib on boat - katabatic bind bom bills”. He cast me a look of deep sorrow, clearly concluding that I was irredeemably bonkers as opposed to my having lost my balance during a falling wind from the hills which rocked us around a little and caused me to fly into a solid upright post. I find myself becoming increasingly more eccentric


by the day. I am not beyond bellowing, “ Ahoy there young person” at anybody under forty to help me with bags of coal or heavy crates of wine (medicinal, obviously). They swing sacks over their shoulders, jam boxes under their arms and leap down the steps to


the pontoon leaving Hub and I grateful but equally appalled at what has happened to us! “ Have we become really old then?” I asked Hub a little forlornly. “A steady decline since about 1986,” he replied. With relish.


If you’ve missed any of Marianne’s columns in this magazine, they are all available on our website - www.bythedart.co.uk/topics/life_aboard


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