rage notes WHAT IS YOUR DEFINITION OF LOVE?


That’s a question only you can answer. Relationships are both rewarding and difficult and the acceptance of that is part of the key, I believe, to making them work.


The idea that we can go blissfully through life in


perfect harmony, is something that we all must let go of at some point. Especially, if we ever hope to find some semblance of peace during its course. For me, being a grown-up means, assessing the challenges you face and then deciding if they are worth the battle to get through them. Dr. Greg Cason talked about assessing risks in


his article about deciding whether you have scored a “Mr. Right, or a Mr. Wrong. Deep alchemy is at play, he says, long coded in our DNA and some- thing that can cloud our ability to see our situations clearly. We’ve all been there, lost in those first flushes of love’s heat as it draw us inexplicably toward the new object of our affection. When and if warning signs appear, we blissfully blow past them as we speed down the highway of passion. Stopping only when a siren, flashing lights and a heavy fine, force us to slow down. As Dr. Cason put it, “Sometimes it just all


falls into place…Mr. Right’s place. Sometimes however, it leads you into the Mr. Wrong trap and will end up bringing out some of your worst qualities and his as well, leading you to a life of soul-crushing arguments and fully-awake nightmares.” Today, I choose to try and obey the warning signs along the way. You know the ones, that little nagging feeling you get when your psyche is warning you about something. How many times have you ignored that little signal, only to find yourself in a disastrous mess? Deciding when to fight is another part of being


an adult. My conversation with Dustin Lance Black around the upcoming LGBT biopicWhen


We Rise on ABC this month made me think long and hard about drawing battle lines. The multi- night series brings to life the fight for the many hard-won liberties we now enjoy…And dare I say it, have taken a little for granted perhaps? I’ve had the privilege of seeing a good portion


of the series and I must tell you, the experience of watching was a very emotional one. Being of a certain age and a child growing up in the isolation of Northern Wisconsin, I remember vividly the vehemence of homophobia and how much it affected my younger days. I had a secret and quickly learned it was something I needed to tuck deeply inside my closet. I learned fearlessness later, because I was exposed to the many changes that occurred during the ’60s and ’70s, all of which play a big part in the show’s beginning. Coming out and winning that personal battle, then moving on to the next one and then the next one after that were things I learned to do. Fighting sodomy laws, fighting to bring awareness to the AIDS crisis, standing up to authorities who would not stand for us, fighting for marriage equality...It was all there on the screen, enlivening memories I have around them. Time heals, yet these days I once again find


myself thinking about when and where to draw the line. Lance put it perfectly during the latter part of our conversation, “History is not a straight line and it never has been. It is a pendulum and our job, as people of diversity, is to make sure it doesn’t swing too far back.” It’s going to be interesting to see how far this pendulum swings…And how much force we’re going to need to right its course? The biggest part of growing up, is undoubtedly


about learning to love and about trying to find a decent balance: Love of family, relationship and marriage love, filial love, the love of friends, love of God and country and I think the most difficult of all...The love of self throughout those many circumstances.


Joel Martens,Editor in Chief


“I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear.” —Martin Luther King, Jr.


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RAGE monthly | FEBRUARY 2017


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